


I Remember Everything

by Frin



Series: I Remember... [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-26
Packaged: 2018-01-17 20:43:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 23,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1401814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frin/pseuds/Frin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things didn't go according to plan. The Time Lord was wrong. Life couldn't just be fantastic because he told them...</p><p>First Published: 2008.09.30</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"I'm sorry Pete... I tried," he said shaking his head.

"I think I understand," said Pete quietly. The Doctor looked at him wondering if he really did.

"This new placement you've got?"

"Yeah, it's at U.C.L.H. Queen's Square... I won't be far... Neurosurgery. I'll be practising and lecturing..."

"And that's a good move?"

"I feel at home there. I have some ideas and I can move within them there. Use some of my lesser exercised knowledge... for the good of mankind..."

"Well I can't say you won't be missed here. Have you told Rose?" The Doctor's face set.

"No... I haven't seen her for a while. I'm sure she'll find out soon enough... you know what this place is like." The Doctor was giving nothing away. Pete nodded.

"If there's anything you need... I'm just so sorry it didn't work out how we hoped."

"Yeah, well, that's life. No I don't need anything, thanks Pete. I'll expect Jackie will do her nut!" Pete gave him a wry smile.

"Sometimes it's eerie the way you know her so well. Don't make a complete stranger of yourself, will you?" Pete got up and shook his hand.

As soon as he left Pete picked up the phone.

"Jacks? It's the Doctor, he's resigned... he's got a new job... he hasn't told her..."

It wasn't long before his phone started to ring. He ignored it. It beeped text after text. He didn't bother reading them. What was the point?

Three days later he was packing up the little room he had taken when he had moved out of the mansion. He didn't have much, enough to fill his car. One trip across town would do it.

She walked through the open door and stood staring at him, her arms folded. He looked up surprised.

"It's true then?" she asked, her face stern.

"If you mean am I getting on with my life? Then yes."

"What you trying to do, get some kind of reaction out of me?"

"No, Rose, I'm not. But, if I had been, I think I would have succeeded."

"What's all this about then?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but I really am getting on with the rest of my life. Just like you told me too." She looked at him in disbelief.

"Running away?"

"Maybe... always used to. Maybe it's just a fresh start."

"And you weren't even gonna tell me?"

"I didn't think you'd be interested."

"You fishing?"

"No, no point."

"Fine! I thought we had agreed to be friends! Obviously your memories aren't worth the weight you told me they were."

"I remember everything, Rose, in that world and this. I know what's happened and I don't want to be part of it any more!"

"My Doctor would never have let it get to this!" she shouted. He stared at her knowing exactly what he would have done about Rose's temper if he were still that man.

"Well, as you keep pointing out, I'm not your Doctor, so it's just as well." She stared at him, her jaw set. His face softened. "It's a good opportunity for me to do something I'm really interested in and can make a difference with."

"Aliens too boring now?"

"I think your lot have got it covered."

"So, the Doctor is going to be... a doctor?"

"Yep..." She stood for a while summing it all up.

"Well... good luck then."

"Thank you," he said much more earnestly than her. She stared at him a moment longer then left quickly. He stared at the empty doorway for a long time. Then he sat down. 

He stayed there for ages while he went back over the past six months, since the day they were left on that beach.

It had been awful. Rose made it quite clear she had no interest in him except to vent her anger on the other one for leaving her.

He had tried so hard at first. But Rose just put up wall after wall, until it felt like far more than a void between them.

He had done all she wanted. Gone to Torchwood like a good boy. Had been brave and daring and brilliant and funny. It didn't work.

In the offices at work behind her back they called her "ice maiden". He never joined in, but he secretly agreed.

He moved out of the mansion pretty quickly. Jackie was smothering him with misplaced guilt. He found this room. It was somewhere to rest his head.

Rose and he met up occasionally, but their friendship had been damaged and gradually they drifted apart.

He still felt the same and so did she. But not about him. He knew how Martha felt now. Poor Martha.

So now? New job. New adventure. New luxury apartment near the hospital. No Rose. It would be better like this, they could move on.

She could call it running away, but he was finding it hard to even make friends here. Everyone at work knew all about him and treated him like some alien geek freak. He supposed he was, but it didn't help.

His one big worry about leaving was that she might decide it was time to get back to the other world, the other him, and start blowing ruddy great holes in the universes again. The last time they spoke of this she had assured him that she was going nowhere she wasn't wanted. She felt that the Time Lord had made it quite clear about that.

He pulled himself out of his thoughts and continued to pack up his car. He tried not to dwell on the thought that he might never see her again. He wanted to look to the future. That was all he had.


	2. Chapter 2

He posted the keys back through the letter box, got in his car and drove off. 

He didn't notice the wide eyed blonde watching him from behind a tree. She stepped out when his car disappeared and looked up the road. She really thought he had been bluffing. She half expected him to reverse back with that beaten dog expression and start begging again.

She stared down the road in the direction he had gone for a long while. Finally she took a deep sullen breath and returned to her car. She drove away in the opposite direction.

**********

He found hospital life suited him. He worked long hours that absorbed his thoughts. He was surrounded by people who cared, were vocational and brilliant.

He enjoyed the challenge and the banter with the other doctors. He soon became the heart throb of the hospital with doctors nurses and, indeed, patients vieing for his attention. He hadn't started lecturing yet, but when he did at the beginning of the new year he would attract the students too. He never dated or expressed interest in anyone on that sort of level.

He loved his new flat. It was a huge open plan affair where he could just enjoy the space. He didn't spend much time there though, he was always at work. 

He buried himself in it. The outcome of this was that he was getting noticed. His theories were surprising and unusual and very effective. He was a brilliant surgeon and understood far more about the brain than just having a dig about. A large amount of his treatment didn't even involve x-rays. He could diagnose with his fingers.

Occasionally he would go out with colleagues to the local pub but he found that alcohol made him melancholy and he just thought about Rose. Not this Rose. The Rose he knew in another lifetime, in another universe, in what could be a million years ago.

Late one night he came back to his empty flat with a take away and flicked on the television for background noise. There was a pop news programme on. It stopped him in his tracks. There she was , the heiress. She looked like a whore. Too much make-up. Very revealing clothes, which she was spilling out of. She was quite obviously very drunk and hanging on to the arm of some actor. His jaw tightened as he saw her stumble and laugh pressing herself just a little too close to him. 

He looked at the actor, he was tall and thin with dark floppy hair. 

"Rose Tyler, Vitex heiress, looking the worse for wear with new boyfriend David MacDonald... looks like they both enjoy partying..." said the announcer and went on to describe the behaviour the two stars had displayed while under the influence.

He switched off the television and sat in the dark. He didn't bother eating that night.

Over the next few months he would catch newspaper gossip about her in some celeb-mag or similar. She always looked very out of it and he wondered if it was more than alcohol that she was into. The general consensus was that she was spiralling out of control. He tried to push it away but her face was always there laughing at him from some newspaper stand.

One morning he was in his office typing up records. He was supposed to have a P.A., but he hadn't found anyone he could trust enough to allow them to be party to his cases. Also, he was a very fast typist, something he must have inherited from a certain red head he once knew.

There was a knock at the door.

"Doctor? Ah, there you are... I've bought the new intern for you to meet... thought you might take her under your wing... Doctor Jones..." Shane from admin ushered the young doctor in. Big brown eyes glowed at him.

"Martha Jones!" he exclaimed. She looked taken aback.

"Hello! I'm so honoured to meet you..." she gushed. Ah yes. Alternative Martha Jones.

"I'm very pleased to meet you too," he smiled shaking her warm familiar hand. A friendly face. A familiar friendly face. Now things were looking up. Endless possibilities. If there was an alternative Martha...

She smiled at him nervously. He was a lot younger than she expected. And good looking too, that had thrown her. He seemed a bit odd, but she was used to that. He was a genius, these things walked hand in hand.

"Well, well... so you're applying your interests to neurology are you?"

"It's fascinating stuff..." she smiled relieved to get on to familiar territory.

"Yes, but I must warn you... some of my work... it's a bit... not exactly... orthodox... definitely not brain surgery most of the time."

"Yes, I've been reading up... it's the reason I transferred from Royal Hope."

"That's very flattering," he said thoughtfully.

He spent the whole morning showing her around which was unusual in itself and got tongues wagging.

At times she found it weird, like he already knew her. She was drawn to him and she couldn't explain why. This was probably the most incredible man she had ever met.

"Martha?"

"Oh sorry! I must have drifted off!" she grinned sheepishly, hoping he couldn't read minds as well.

"Yes... you mustn't make a habit of that, not in our game!"

"No Doctor," That made him smile. He felt comfortable, happy even. They were to become firm friends. The Doctor just had to make sure he didn't convey the wrong signals... again.

Later on that day he rang up the director of the hospital.

"Russell... it's the Doctor... Smith... you know the problem with my P.A..."


	3. Chapter 3

By the end of the week Donna Noble had been tracked down on a temping agency list. An interview had been set up and the Doctor was beside himself.

He stood in his window in the tower block and watched the car park bouncing on his Converses in excitement. Then he caught sight of her red head making it's way through the parked cars and clapped his hands.

"I must be cool and calm or she'll run a mile," he grinned to himself. He was still grinning from ear to ear when she was ushered into his office.

She looked at him oddly.

"Hello Donna, " he smiled.

"Hello." She put out her hand at an attempt at demure which made him grin even wider, if it were possible. She wanted to ask this scruffy haired geek what the hell he was grinning like an idiot for, but this was an interview. She mustn't be rude.

"So... I gather you're fast?" he asked.

"What?" she said, shocked.

"At typing?"

"Oh, yes... fastest temp in Chiswick, a hundred words a minute!"

"And you're happy being a temp?"

"Well, obviously, in the long run, I'd like something a bit more permanent; but I enjoy my work."

"Really? Never get bored? Never feel like you could... I don't know... broaden your horizons?" Bloody cheek! Hang on. Interview.

"I travel... on holidays... lots... I've been all over!" He nodded.

"Okay, I think we'll leave it there," Donna's heart sank, "when can you start?"

"What?" Her mouth dropped open.

"When can you start?" She stared at this strange man in disbelief, "I'm offering you the position as my P.A., if you want it. I need someone to organise me a bit. I hope you're going to show some backbone here. Need to be bossed around. No standing on ceremony!" 

She shut her mouth noisily.

"Yesterday," she muttered.

"Sorry?"

"I can start yesterday..."

"Good..." he smiled. If only he had a TARDIS that would have be entirely possible, "let's say Monday for now."

He watched her make her way back to her car. She kept stopping and standing stock still. A couple of times she looked back. Then she hopped once, jumped into her car and drove off.

He pondered on whether he should check out Sarah Jane Smith on this universe and decided against it. That was a different him. Martha and Donna were important to this body and he needed them.

He would have to be careful with Martha. He didn't want her to get the wrong impression. But he knew his relationship with Donna was going to be special. She was virtually his sibling. Alternate reality or not.

Martha had sort of already got the wrong idea. She had developed a terrible crush on this incredible man. He was brilliant, compassionate, funny and at times he seemed... well... almost intimate with her. It was very apparent from the start that he wanted to spend time with her. That he saw her as a friend. It was mixed signals that she felt she was getting.

She read up as much as she could about him. There was very little information she could find. He had been linked, unexpectedly, with the Vitex heiress and Torchwood hero, Rose Tyler. He had worked for Torchwood for six months before starting here. From what she could gather, Rose Tyler had spiralled out of control since then.

When Donna started working for him Martha found it very hard. The Doctor seemed as close to her as he was to... her! She liked Donna, they clicked straight away. It didn't stop her feeling a little jealous of them.

As for the Doctor? Well Donna came bustling into his life much like the other her. He couldn't stop smiling that first day as she made herself at home in her work area. She had bought all manner of things to adorn her desk. Photographs of God children. Little ornaments of frogs and strange crystals she claimed gave certain types of energy. 

Some people would say it was clutter. Not the Doctor. He just grinned from ear to ear until she broke down her barrier and told him what a great idiot he looked. Then he laughed his head off. She continued to set up her space shaking her head.

The three soon became a team. Inseparable. It seemed such an unlikely bonding that eyebrows had been raised.

The consultant. The intern. The P.A. But it was fun and the Doctor needed that. People soon got used to it and left them alone quickly moving on to other things to gossip about.

One day the Doctor arrived on the ward to find he had a visitor. It was a very unhappy Jackie Tyler that sat at his desk watching Donna glaring at her.

"Sorry, Doctor, I tried to get Mrs. Tyler to make an appointment but she was insistent." said Donna pouting at Jackie.

"That's fine Donna, you can leave us to it... would you like some tea, Jackie?"

"That would be lovely," she said nervously. Donna left the office with a slight huff. The Doctor shut the door behind her and walked over to Jackie. She stood up and gave him a big hug.

"Oh, I've missed you!" she said wiping her eyes.

"Yes, we should have stayed in touch, I found it hard, though, it was better to keep my distance."

"I wish you hadn't," she said sitting back down.

"What brings you here?" he asked , though he sort of knew.

"I'm at my wits end, Doctor, it's Rose... she's got herself mixed up with the wrong sort of people... I'm worried she's gonna kill herself!"

"I've seen the papers, Jackie, but I don't see what I can do. It isn't any of my business." He shook his head sadly. 

"She nearly got herself killed yesterday at work. Wasn't paying attention, took a shot to her leg."

"She's alright, though?"

"She'll survive this time... we need your help, Doctor. She's hit the self destruct button and she won't listen to us."

"I really can't see her listening to me!" He felt useless. Rose wasn't interested in him.

"I just thought if you came back into our lives she might start responding to you," she said.

"I can't just walk back in... I have to think about me too. It was so painful."

"Look, there's a charity ball next week. It's an auction of favours. Vitex have set it up. Rose will be there. Won't you come? Please... it might start to bring her back?"

"I don't know, Jackie, it might open a can of worms." He shook his head.

"Think about it. I'll send you some invites... bring some colleagues, it's for a good cause..." She looked so desperate. Then Donna barged through the door at this point carrying two mugs of tea.

"Okay... I'll think about it... Thank you, Donna." He turned back to Jackie.

"How is Tony?"


	4. Chapter 4

"This charity ball thing?"

"Yes?" said Martha. They were in the canteen having a quick bite between shifts. They worked long hours and often slept in on call. The Doctor did this partly for the love of his work and partly for the fear of being alone in his flat.

Martha worked long hours because the Doctor did. Donna was a little more reluctant to give as many hours. Her work meant she didn't need to and she enjoyed her freedom. Which was no bad thing.

She was at the table with them on this occasion and as he spoke she inwardly cringed at Martha's overeagerness.

"Well, will you come with me?" His eyes darted from Donna to Martha and back again.

"Yes," said Martha.

"Who?" asked Donna at the same time.

"Well... both of you..." he murmured, his eyes continuing to dart from one to the other.

"Oh..." said Martha quietly.

"What... you into threesomes now then, skinny?" Donna teased.

"No, I just thought it would be fun to all go together..." he said weakly.

"Big do, is it?" asked Donna trying to cover over the awkwardness that Martha was feeling.

"Yes, black tie, posh frocks. Nice to have a bit of a dance..." His eyes fixed on Martha waiting for her to compose herself.

"Yeah, that would be fun," she said with a small smile. Donna clapped her hands and rubbed them.

"Right, you and me... tomorrow lunch... hitting the shops. We've only got till Saturday to find something fantastic to wear... we better book the day off. I want to spend it getting ready! I intend to meet someone drop dead hunky who'll whisk me away from all this!"

"Can't I come and get ready with you?" whined the Doctor, his own Donna inside surfacing as it did every now and again. This Donna stared at him.

"Doctor are you sure you're not a little... you know, the other way?" The Doctor looked at her mortified but said nothing. Donna smiled, "no sunshine, all you need is a tux, I'm afraid!" She leaned over and ruffled his hair, "maybe a hair cut, I'll book you in!"

This is how four nights later the Doctor stood on the steps of Martha's flat, holding two corsages, wearing a black tuxedo and remembering that he hadn't been very lucky when wearing them in the past.

The black limousine waited at the kerb as the Doctor rang the bell.

Donna answered the door. She was wearing a full length, fully fitted and boned black satin dress. The balconette bodice pushed her magnificent bosom up onto a shelf of some proportion. Her pale skin looked like fine marble and there was an awful lot of it on show. His eyes were immediately drawn to her cleavage.

"Doctor, up here..." she smirked. He grinned at her impishly. Her raging auburn hair was loose and ringletted all over.

"You look amazing!" he breathed.

"Yeah, well if I don't pull tonight then there's bromide or something in the wine!" she replied gruffly, but the compliment wasn't completely lost on her.

They went upstairs and found Martha putting in her earrings in the living room mirror. The dress she wore was very similar to Donna's but it was white and the neckline didn't reveal as much of her. The white material contrasting with her dark skin looked amazing. Her hair was scraped back into a tight bun with a few wispy ringlets trailing down.

"Hi..." she smiled a bit breathless, admiring the Doctor in a tuxedo.

"You look good, Martha," said the Doctor nodding.

"So do you, Doctor," she smiled. Donna rolled her eyeballs. She might have to have a tactful word with Martha.

In the car on the way they discussed what to expect.

"So, how do you think the Tylers will receive you?" asked Donna.

"Oh, Jackie and Pete are great! Really nice couple, down to earth."

"And Rose?" asked Martha. The Doctor's face darkened.

"Well... she has problems," he said quietly. Martha recoiled inwardly. If only she could instil that kind of reaction in him.

"Bet they rope you into the auctions!" said Donna nudging him in the ribs.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's a favours auction.They'll be auctioning off all the desirables, some not so; for dates and the like!" 

"I don't think so!" the Doctor spluttered. Martha and Donna giggled.

"Come on, it's for a good cause! I'll have a bid on ya!" smiled Donna with a snort.

"You'd snap him in two!" laughed Martha.

"I just want to have a nice time with my friends," said the Doctor primly.

"Sure you don't want to flaunt yourself and your beautiful friends in front of the heiress?" said Donna in a beat. The Doctor said nothing, just looked straight ahead.

"It's fine, we'll just go and have some fun," said Martha squeezing his hand and smiling that dazzling smile that lit up her face.

When they arrived the Doctor offered both arms to his two companions. They linked with him unaware of what a striking trio they made, all in black and white except Donna's raging auburn locks. People's heads turned as they entered the ball room.

"You had to wear the Converse's didn't you?" sighed Donna.

Vitex were hosting the fundraiser and Jackie and Pete were standing receiving the guests at the door. Jackie's face lit up when she saw him.

"I'm so glad you came!" she smiled embracing him.

"You look lovely, Jackie," he said to her and shook Pete's hand. Jackie took him aside while the girls went off to rid themselves of their wraps.

"She's not here yet."

"Not that I asked or anything," he replied with an on off smile.

"Coming with her latest..."

"That actor fellow?"

"No... a new one... some wheeler dealer... very dubious character. Pete done some checks on him. Brendon someone..."

"Brendon Block..." said Pete joining them.

"Yeah that's it... gold digger..."

"Well, Rose is a big girl, Jackie. It's really none of my business."

"There's something not right, though," said Pete darkly.

"We think Rose is being manipulated," said Jackie.

"Well, surely the police?"

"No, it's a Torchwood problem," whispered Pete. The Doctor stilled.

"You're sure?"

"One hundred per cent. Something extra-terrestrial is going on."

"Pete, I don't think Rose would want me to..."

"Rose doesn't have a clue what she wants any more... we believe she's being drugged."

"Well, it would be quite simple to run some tests on her even without her knowing..."

"We've done that... nothing."

"Look, maybe you're just worried parents overreacting to a wayward daughter," said the Doctor.

"Wayward am I? Never used to complain about that, Doctor!" He spun around to see standing behind them the beautiful vision that was Rose Tyler.


	5. Chapter 5

The Doctor felt for a moment his one heart stop. She looked stunning.

Her full length red satin dress hugged every single curve of her body right down to her calves where it then fanned out and cascaded down to her feet which were covered by bejewelled strappy, red stilettos.

Her straight long blonde hair hung down her bare shoulders and back and her fringe hung partially over one side of her face. She no longer wore a heavy mask of make up. The Doctor had always known she was more beautiful without it.

To him she was literally breathtaking. She certainly didn't look like a girl that needed rescuing, indeed, she looked very confident in herself and her surroundings. The man standing beside her stared at him. He smiled but his eyes remained almost hostile.

"Cat got yer tongue?" teased Rose, her tongue tickling her teeth provocatively. The Doctor opened his mouth to speak but he had no words and was relieved to feel a little hand slip possessively into his arm. He looked down to see Martha smiling up at him.

"Care to dance, Doctor?" she asked turning a baleful eye towards Rose.

"Oh, this is precious!" crowed Rose and then laughed out loud as she caught sight of Donna in the foreground attracting a lot of attention from a group of tuxedo clad males.

"What is it? Steeping yourself in the past?" she sneered.

"What's he then, Scotch mist?" said the Doctor and whisked away to dance with Martha.

As they danced, Martha peered over her shoulder at Rose who was now dancing with her partner.

"He looks very familiar..." she murmured.

"That's because he resembles me," said the Doctor through gritted teeth. Martha looked up at him and smiled.

"You're much more handsome," smiled Martha.

"Martha... come on... you know..."

"It's okay, Doctor. I can see with my own eyes. You definitely aren't over each other."

"Never will be..." he muttered quietly and Martha's heart ached for varying reasons. 

He danced very well, but Martha could tell he was completely distracted by Rose's group which were very noisy and where Rose was the centre of attention. Jackie and Pete were not with them but watched on worried, as Rose seemed to get louder and wilder as the evening progressed.

Donna was enjoying herself immensely and they hardly saw her until it was time for the auctions.

"More talent than X-Factor!" she puffed, plonking down at their table and rearranging her top. The Doctor pretended not to notice and looked at the decorative ceiling.

"I really, really, really do not want you to volunteer me for the auctions!" begged the Doctor. Donna and Martha exchanged glances and grinned.

"It's okay... we'll go easy on you skinny-boy!" said Donna poking him in the ribs.

"Yeah, this hasn't been so great for you," said Martha patting his hand. Then the lights dimmed and the auctions began.

There were all sorts of things on auction. There were the usual cases of champagne and hampers and the like. Then it gradually moved on to favours. Things such as make overs and holidays reached ridiculous amounts. The final part of the auction was the part where they auctioned off the men to the rich women for an evening out.

It was actually quite amusing watching these as some men were pushed on to the stage and you could tell they would rather be anywhere else. Then there were the peacocks who volunteered themselves. Most of them didn't go for very much and one poor chap had no bids at all. It was very funny.

Then without realising it the spotlight hit him and the auctioneers voice cut through the mike.

"The next lot is a veritable catch. Nominated by Rose Tyler herself. Would Doctor John Smith please take to the stage?" The Doctor froze for a split second and looked at Martha and Donna desperately.

"You're gonna have to!" whispered Donna in sympathy. The Doctor stood up to loud female whoops and applause.

"For God's sake win this one! I don't care how much you bid... I'll pay you back!" hissed the Doctor as he left to make his way through the tables.

He stood awkwardly on the stage, the spotlight spared him seeing who was interested in bidding as the auctioneer rambled on about his merits. Then the bidding began.

Quickly, it was clear that he was the most popular catch of the evening as the bids swarmed in. They started going up in one hundred pounds and then after it hit two thousand it started going up in five hundreds.

"Ten thousand!" Finally Martha's voice piped up to a gasp from the audience. In the silence that pursued another voice dominated the room.

"One hundred thousand pounds!" called Rose. In the stagnant pause that followed this, the gabble hit the podium and the Doctor, albeit temporary, was Rose's once more.

He made his way back to the table in poor spirits and sat down heavily.

"I'm sorry, Doctor," said Martha.

"You've got to admit it's quite funny!" snorted Donna.

"Yes... don't worry Martha, I rather think that she would have gone to any lengths to bid against you for me... it's a long story... it's okay." Martha looked puzzled but didn't question him.

As they sat there the handsome young men started to flock about Donna again and finally she succumbed and was whisked off to dance again.

"Martha?" a handsome tall man came to the table and Martha looked up surprised.

"Tom?"

"Yes, I saw you earlier... just came to say hello. Um... would you care to dance... if you don't mind?" He addressed the last to the Doctor.

"Oh, it's okay Tom, he's not my date, we're just good friends. Doctor... this is Doctor Tom Mulligan, he's in paediatrics at The Royal Hope. Lynda not with you, then?"

"We split up," he answered shaking hands with the Doctor, "sort of had to when I found her in the storage closet with Selina Fry!"

"No!" Martha's eyes grew wide. He laughed and proffered an arm to her.

"Okay?" Martha asked the Doctor as she stood and, at his nod, left to dance with the handsome young doctor. He watched them for a while. They made a good couple. It was time Martha met someone who was interested in her romantically and it was quite evident that this Tom was.

His eyes wandered about the room and like magnets they sought out one person. He finally caught sight of her just leaving the room with this Brendon man. In fact he wasn't entirely happy in the way that he had hold of her arm and seemed to be pulling her against her will.

He watched the empty doorway for a few minutes then got up and quickly followed. 

In the foyer he heard a man's voice hissing at her.

"So... go on, tell me... what do you think you're doing bidding on him? Mmmm?"

"Let go! You're hurting me!"

"Oh, I'm going to do more than that when I get you out of here... you've been leading a merry dance with me... some would call it teasing!"

"Get off me! I swear I'll call..." Her voice was then muffled and this was enough for the Doctor. He moved out of the shadows and approached them fast.

"Take your hands off her!" he seethed. Rose was up against the wall. The man had one hand covering her mouth and the other was tightly on her neck. His body was pressed right into her.


	6. Chapter 6

"You heard me! Let her go!" growled the Doctor and the man, Brendon, grinned nastily and let go of Rose who slumped to the floor holding her neck.

Brendon turned to the Doctor, something flashing in his eyes that the Doctor recognised as something really not human.

"And what, exactly are you going to do about it?" he sneered, approaching the Doctor. Anger raced through his blood as his mind, his unused Timelord brain; went into overdrive trying to decipher the origins of the creature that was standing in front of him.

Brendon reached out his human hand towards the Doctor's neck, but the Doctor was too quick. With two fast movements he had overthrown him and locked him into a half-nelson. Now he could smell the alien within, he could feel the telepathic waves desperately trying to break into his barriers. He blocked them and resisted the urge to taste the alien squirming in his tight grip.

Rose stood up and flicked open her phone. Within minutes Torchwood agents were swamping the foyer and took the struggling Brendon away. Rose stared at the Doctor.

"I had it under control," she said evenly, even though the finger marks were still clearly visible on her neck.

"Looked like it."

"Felt almost like old times... no running, though!"

"You know me, always a sucker for a damsel in distress!"

"I was doing fine! There was me thinking you were jealous!" There followed an awkward silence only interrupted by a man swooping through the main entrance.

"Cara, my little Rosa!" he drawled moving up to Rose and embracing her.

"Jacko! When did you get into the country?" she answered, her arms flying around his neck.

"Only about 'alf an 'our ago! You look so stunneeng... I could eat you, and oo is thees?" His Italian accent was thick within his throat and the Doctor's heart sank as he looked upon the familiar features of his own face. Rose now showed little interest in him and murmured a vague goodbye as she was swept away back into the ballroom.

The Doctor stood there for a moment and tried to contain his aching heart. Jackie and Pete were right... something didn't ring true.

Back at their table, Martha and Donna were having a break from the dancing and were gossiping about the new arrival on Rose's arm. Martha was looking flushed and her eyes had a sparkle to them that didn't include the Doctor. Every now and then she searched the crowd for a glimpse of Tom.

"Who is he?" asked the Doctor feigning boredom.

"That's only Jacko C. Nova! The richest playboy in Europe! He's got such a reputation!" said Donna with a saucy grin and a wink at Martha.

"Mind you... he does look like..." her eyes flickered to the Doctor and then back to the Italian.

"Oh. My. God! He so does! Even more than that Brendon bloke she was with... he gave me the creeps!" answered Donna.

"Yeah... wonder where he's gone? She replaced him pretty quickly though, didn't she?" The Doctor listened to their ramblings watching Rose with this new man, knowing that he probably wasn't a man at all.

It wasn't long before Pete came over and took him to one side for a quick word.

"What happened?" he asked in hushed tones. and the Doctor filled him in.

"This Jacko Nova, though Pete, I think he's one too!"

"One what Doctor?"

"I'm not sure... they're using some kind of perception filter and Rose is being controlled... definitely mind control and possibly some chemical too... alien substances that your tests wouldn't pick up. I had a moment, a small moment of clarity with her and then he arrived and it was gone!"

"Well... we've got Brendon Block in the holding cells now... we might be able to find out more when we talk to and examine him..." A question balanced in the air.

"Tomorrow, Pete?" he sighed. He had given in. He had sworn he would never set foot in Torchwood again, but somehow, this seemed to involve him. Pete nodded and went back to join Jackie at their table.

The Doctor returned to his table to find Donna swaying and Martha in her wrap and on Tom's arm.

"Tom's going to see me home," smiled Martha and the Doctor felt very pleased for her. If he were the Timelord that he used to be he would be able to read the timelines and see their happy life stretch out before them. He really only had to look at their faces and see it. Donna lurched against him and hiccuped.

"Time I escorted you and the puppies home, isn't it?" he teased. She tried to focus on his face but only succeeded in going cross eyed.

"Fink you better had!" she slurred leaning on him heavily, "wouldn't trust meself otherwise.. can trust you though..."

"Yeah... thoroughly dependable, that's me..." He put his arm around her and led her to the exit doors unaware of Rose's desperate eyes practically boring holes into his back.

Donna fell sleep on his shoulder in the limousine. He smiled as she gently snored next to him. She was as close to family as he would ever get and he decided it would be easier and would make him feel better if he let her crash at his. He hoisted her over his shoulder and staggered through the entrance of his building. The night security guard teased him about only bringing back the ones that had passed out and the Doctor laughed with false joviality.

He slumped her down onto his bed and looked at her attire awkwardly. He decided that the removal of her shoes and the undoing of her zipper were the only acceptable things he could do. Having done this, he covered her over and closed the door on her.

He sat down on the sofa in the dark. Now he could pull out his memories of the evening and relive them one torturous moment by one torturous moment at a time. 

He sat there like that for hours, his face expressionless. It was the harsh cry of the telephone that made him jump from his trance-like state.

"Doctor... it's Pete... we need you... the void appears to have reopened... there's something there..."

"What do you possibly think I can do?" sighed the Doctor, annoyance tingeing his voice.

"No, you don't understand... it's Rose! She's been pushed into it... Rose is in the void... oh God... help us Doctor!"


	7. Chapter 7

The journey across town seemed go very slowly. The Doctor drove his car too fast. All he was aware of was his one violent pulse beating in his ears. Nausea threatened him as his stomach tied in knots.

It didn't take a Time Lord to know that no one could survive the void. Well, no living being could survive the void. Maybe Daleks or Cybermen, but they were well protected. Maybe a Time Lord, if he were well protected.

He couldn't stop the scene playing in his head, the one where he told Jackie that her daughter was dead. However much he tried to push it away.

He pulled up at Torchwood and was met by a member of the team who took his car to park it. He sprinted through the foyer and charged into the lifts. He didn't know why he was rushing, if Rose was in the void then it was too late.

In the room that haunted the Doctor's dreams, the large expanse of white wall was rippling and flashing. Pete and Jackie stood near it along with other members of the team.

"Get back! You could get sucked in!" he roared. Immediately, all of them turned to him for guidance. Jackie was sobbing.

"I'm sorry..." he began, but she cut in.

"No! She isn't! I know she isn't... I can feel she isn't!" screamed Jackie at him.

"Jackie..." he stammered.

"No! Can't you feel her? You of all people! Feel her!" He looked at her helplessly and moved towards the wall. His Time Lord senses clicked in and he explored them thoroughly. Just as he was about to give up, he saw it. A tiny glowing flicker, right there in his mind's eye. His heart thudded with hope. He snapped open his eyes and looked straight at Jackie nodding.

"Yes?" she asked, half-smiling.

"It's impossible... but... we have to work fast. I need a protective suit and helmet and some bungee ropes."

"What's your plan?" asked Pete.

"Have you ever seen the film Poltergeist?"

"Yes... oh, yes I see!"

"I'm going in..."

"You could die!" said Jackie.

"I have no choice. I would rather die than leave her there!" Tears filled Jackie's eyes again.

"She doesn't deserve you!" As he got ready, Pete filled him in on what had happened.

"We've been experiencing some mild activity from here for a few weeks. Just a bit, very weak and not for very long. Up until tonight we've been monitoring it well."

"And tonight?"

"Rose was behaving so erratically. Got worse after you left. When she left I put a tail on her. She went with the Italian you were concerned about. They drove straight here. Of course, I came here as soon as I was informed. In the meantime they were joined by that actor she was seeing and they disarmed security and broke Brendon Block out of the holding cell. By the time we arrived they were up here. The void had completely opened up. Rose was fighting them, you would have been proud. Whatever had been controlling her, wasn't any more. She was a bargaining tool. They were after you...wanted you here. But Rose was having none of it. She made a break for it and they changed into these... creatures... so ugly. They picked her up like a rag doll and tossed her into the void."

"What happened to them?"

"Torchwood. Doesn't matter how hard I try, they think with their guns. They opened fire, they're dead. Do you want to see?"

"Later... make sure you secure them Pete, you never know." The Doctor fixed his helmet and sealed the gaps.

"I won't have much time... as soon as you feel me yank it three times, pull me back fast, got it?"

"Yeah, you will bring her back?"

"I'll die trying, Pete." Pete locked eyes with him for a moment and slowly nodded. The harness was fastened to him and he stepped up to the breech.

"Good luck, Doctor!" shouted Jackie tearfully. He nodded and walked into the void.

Even though he was wearing a very efficient protective suit he could feel the intense heat through it. It made movement hard and impaired his vision. As he got used to the light he became aware of objects floating around him. Things familiar and not so familiar. He batted away a chunk of Dalek armour and looked about him. He could see chasms of light dotted around in the distances and made his way to one. Realising that it was another void opening and that it probably led to another universe, he pulled back from it and continued to search. Time was running out and he knew he couldn't survive much longer. He pulled at the cord three times and was instantly pulled back. Just as he left the void he saw it. A yellow glow in the distance humming to him and then he was on the floor in the wall room.

"Doctor?" His helmet was removed and he felt an oxygen mask placed around his mouth. His eyes flashed open.

"I'm going back in!"

"No!" Pete was shaking his head.

"I saw her! I'm going back in!" He grabbed the helmet and put it on and stood up shaking slightly. He walked back into the void.

Swiftly, he moved in the direction he had seen the light. She lay protected by it, looking much like a sleeping child. All around them the sound of the void resembled a growling, snarling animal. 

A crack of white light flickered just beside them and to his surprise he saw a face peering in. He didn't know this face and yet he found something oddly familiar about it. The man looked at him and then at Rose. He nodded and threw something at the Doctor, who instinctively caught it. Then the man pulled back and started to seal up the void on his side.

The Doctor picked Rose up in his arms, feeling the glowing light envelope them both; and yanked the rope three times. Instantly they were pulled into their universe and he dropped to the floor still holding Rose in his arms. 

As paramedics set to work, he looked at the object he still held in his hand. It was a Sonic Screwdriver.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It would be handy to have a brain doctor in the house...

Everything began to move very fast. The Doctor jumped up and started to issue instructions as he removed his helmet.

"Freeze her down... completely. She's my patient and I will entrust her care to you in the ambulance until we reach the hospital, then my team will relinquish her from you. I need to radio in!" The paramedics knew who he was and asked no questions. 

The Doctor turned to Pete and Jackie as they watched their comatose daughter.

"We're not out of the woods yet, Jackie," he murmured gently, taking both of her arms. "But she's strong... she fights. I will take care of her... you go home, pack a bag. You'll be staying at the hospital for the duration. It's important that you're there." He turned to Pete who nodded grimly and then he glanced back at Rose. She was grey and still. He scanned her using the Sonic.

"She's in stasis... her body's own reaction. I promise I will do my very best." Jackie's head turned on him. She knew what the Doctor's very best was.

"Doctor, what about that?" asked Pete, indicating the still rippling wall behind them. Quickly, he moved to it and started to knit it together with the Sonic Screwdriver. Within minutes it was just the same white wall that Rose had broken down against those few years ago. They seemed a lifetime away.

He discarded the protective suit and regarded the tuxedo underneath and how doomed things became whenever he wore one. He vowed to himself he would really never wear one again. Then his thoughts snapped back to Rose. As she was lifted on to a wheeled stretcher he checked her slow pulse but Pete tugged at him again.

"I'm sorry, Doctor... but the bodies?" The Doctor went to look at the creatures.

"Lokasenna... shape shifters... they're dead... you should just incinerate them... they can give you no information... I'll fill you in later." He looked down at the hairy creatures now covered in very dark red blood. He felt no sorrow, just a biting anger that surprised him.

His team were waiting at the hospital A&E entrance as the ambulance pulled up. Rose was whisked into the lift with the Doctor taking full command, barking instructions left right and centre.

Rose was taken to a treatment room where the two nurses undressed her and slipped her into a hospital robe.

The Doctor changed quickly and found Rose on the examination table with the team hovering waiting to ice and wrap her. He examined her quickly, surprised to find that her body was unmarked. He nodded to his team and they began to wrap her body in silver foil, packing ice against her, bringing her body temperature right down.

He moved to her head and took in the almost lifeless features. Gently, he placed his fingers to her temporal lobes and slipped inside her mind. He found himself walking down a darkened corridor. There were many doors down this corridor. Every one was shut and locked. He wasn't there to get through any of them, he was there to check for damage. He sucked in a breath of relief and let go of her temples.

"No damage. She's closed herself down. I won't need to operate." The nurse who had been hovering with scissors and clippers and the anaesthetist left the room. A drip was set up and the Doctor dismissed the rest of the team.

He stayed with her until the wards around started to come to life and he was interrupted by the arrival of both Donna and Martha who took him into his office and sat him down with a warm mug of coffee.

"Why the hell didn't you page me?" asked Martha.

"I wasn't aware that you were on duty today actually, nor, for that matter, in today," he retorted back stubbornly. The two women took in his dishevelled form.

"You cannot care for your patients on zero sleep, Doctor!" said Donna.

"I'm fine, I need a lot less sleep than most. I'll rest here. I won't be going home for a while. Yes, Donna... I know you don't work Sundays, but can you arrange a room for Jackie Tyler, she's going to be staying awhile too?"

"She's already here... I showed her to her room on the way up."

"Good, I didn't hear her arrive."

"She didn't want to disturb you."

"What happened?" asked Martha.

"Torchwood stuff... she was thrown into something that should've killed her outright. Her brain has shut down. She's just maintaining her lifelines." He showed Martha some of the charts he had been writing up. She started reading them with confidence but soon became lost in them.

"Should you be treating her?" asked Donna.

"Yes... no question of anyone else. I'm her Doctor, there is nothing more between us than that. I'm the best in this field. I will be treating her!" he snapped back.

"Fine... just wanted to make sure you weren't too emotionally involved!" she answered sarcastically and his face softened.

"Maybe I am... but there is no one else who can give her the treatment she needs... she would probably die otherwise." Donna stared at him hard and then she nodded.

"Okay... just remember, you _are_ her doctor." He felt himself break a little inside at these words. Clearly, he wasn't, that was the problem.

"A pot of tea with Jackie Tyler would be a good start... by the way, did you sleep well?"

"Fine! Well, truthfully... I was a bit surprised to wake up in your bed. But I'm pretty sure I was safe enough!" The Doctor gave her a half-smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Martha looked up with interest.

"You? In the Doctor's bed?"

"She passed out in the limo!"

"Oh yes?" Martha teased. A tap on the door interrupted them.

"Sorry to intrude," said Jackie Tyler standing with her husband, looking almost listless.

"Jackie! Glad you're here! Come and see Rose and I'll explain what the plan of action is. Martha, I'll need you to do some specs... Donna... notes!"

"Yes, Doctor!" they both uttered jumping into action. The Doctor took Jackie by the hand and led them to Rose's private room. She pulled in a breath when she saw her, grabbing Pete to steady herself.

"She looks... she doesn't... is she?" she stuttered tearfully.

"Rose's body went into a self preservation mode... very clever of her... if she hadn't... well, doesn't bear thinking about!"

"She looks so cold!"

"It is commom practise... if you slow everything down... heart rate... everything... then you slow down the trauma. The next forty eight hours are crucial. If she... no, when she... regains conciousness, we can tell how much damage there is. I believe that most of the damage is not physical. My theory is that she will have complete memory loss. I'm confident I will be able to restore it in time." Jackie nodded and then looked perplexed.

"But, Doctor, her memories... that will be a task in itself!" She glanced shiftily at Martha and Donna who looked puzzled.

"With my methods... and the knowledge I have of her it shouldn't be a problem. It's really just a case of accessing the right memories at the right time. Time is what we need. This isn't going to be a quick fix." 

Pete looked shifty, "so, you think it's wise to restore all her memories?" Jackie gasped in shock at his words.

"I'm surprised you're asking... of course I will. It's her human right. If I withheld information from her that would be bad practise. I'm her doctor, it's my duty to give her everything back!" Jackie smiled through a mist of renewed tears and nodded. Pete said nothing more on the subject.

"Will she be able to talk?"

"We will just have to wait and see, Jackie... I think we should all go and have a cup of tea."

"I want to stay!"

"In a couple of days, you'll be needed. At the moment the room is so cold I think it's better if you visit in short bursts."

***********

Later on, Martha found the Doctor sat holding Rose's hand. He was trying to send her waves of comfort even though he knew it was no use.

"You have to rest, " she said to him, taking in the blood shot eyes and the dark rings.

"There's a put-you-up in your office all made and waiting for you... you'll be right here," she urged. He stood up and pushed her gently out of Rose's room, shutting them behind him. He turned to her seriously.

"I will not have any bantering and nagging going on in there, you understand?" he asked firmly. She nodded and the Doctor smiled weakly.

"It's all my fault, she wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me..." he whispered, his voice breaking.

"She's be dead if it weren't for you, Doctor!" said Donna arriving as Martha hugged him. She pulled back and looked him square in the face. "Listen to me, Doctor... this isn't what Rose needs. If you don't look after you, then how can you expect to be able to give her the correct care? You have to eat, sleep and... wash in order to function properly. Make sure you give her a fair chance!" He looked at Martha through bleary eyes and nodded.

"Yes, Doctor," he said meekly. 

Donna smiled and grabbed the phone. "Eric? Hi... it's Donna Noble up in neurology... yes I know, dedicated, even on Sundays! Yes think you could lay your hands on a sarnie and send it up? Anything'll do... thanks... you're a star!" She came off the phone and smiled at the Doctor. "I think this is where we all have a nice cup of tea, isn't it?"

"Martha, are you saying I smell?"


	9. Chapter 9

Two long days later and the Doctor, having examined her; instructed his team to gradually raise Rose's body temperature and bring her back to normal.

He had hardly left her side. Every time Jackie, Martha or Donna went to find him he was sitting by her talking non stop. They didn't know what he was saying, just heard the rise and fall of his voice as they approached the room. He would clam up as soon as anyone came in. Donna truly believed he wasn't even speaking in English to her, but no one dare ask him, that was a line they couldn't cross.

The Doctor had booked time off his other patients and was granted to the soul care of Rose. There was plenty of cover and the hospital readily agreed.

Jackie was very supportive, believing that the Doctor and Rose belonged together. Once she got over her initial shock at seeing her daughter looking near to death she took over the day to day care of her. Washing her and making her presentable at the beginning of the day. The Doctor humoured her in this, believing that it was better she felt she had a purpose.

Rose's body reacted well to being warmed up and all her vitals started to function properly. The Doctor checked her head again and found that there was no change.

On the evening of the third day, Martha was busying herself taking some readings from the machine that was attached to Rose and recording them for the Doctor who had taken a short break to have a shower and a bite to eat. He had really taken Martha's comments on board and didn't want Rose to regain conciousness to a smelly and haggard wreck.

"Doctor?" came Rose's weak voice from the bed, making Martha jump. 

She turned to Rose with a gentle smile. "Hi, I'm not the Doctor, he's just popped out the room...should be back soon."

"You're not... not a doctor?"

"Well... yes, I am. but I'm not **The** Doctor," smiled Martha awkwardly. 

Rose's brow knitted together. "I don't understand... what's happened to me?"

Martha pressed the button to page the Doctor urgently. "You were involved in a nasty accident. You've been in a coma," said Martha gently.

"Where am I?"

"You're in hospital, you have been for a few days now, Rose."

"Rose? Is that my name?" 

At that moment the Doctor arrived and moved to Rose quickly. He picked up her wrist and checked her pulse, looking at her face surreptitiously. "I'm the Doctor," he said with a small smile.

"Just the Doctor?" she asked, puzzled.

"That's what everyone calls me, yes."

"And I'm Rose?"

"That's right... do you remember anything at all?" 

Rose stared into space and looked as if she was thinking hard. "No... there's nothing... can you tell me? Do I have anyone? Any family?"

"Yes... your mother is here in the hospital. You mustn't rush yourself though, Rose. Your brain has had some extensive trauma and we need to let it mend slowly. Let's get you fit and well and then see if we can restore your memories."

"But I have so many questions!" She raised her head with some effort.

"Well, that's fine... shall we get your mother in here... sure she would love to see you?" 

Rose didn't reply, just dropped her head back down on the pillow submissively.

"You will tire very easily at first... I shan't be long," he said and left the room nodding at Martha. Martha moved beside Rose and smiled. 

Rose's eyes twinkled at her, "Bit dishy?" she murmured weakly.

"Yes... just a bit," chuckled Martha.

The Doctor explained to Jackie that Rose was conscious but still unaware of who she was. He told her that she should see her but put no emotional pressure on her. Nervously, Jackie walked with him to Rose's room.

"Hello, love," she whispered to her as she approached the bed. 

Rose studied her with interest, then shook her head. 

"Sssh... it's okay, you don't have to try to remember, you just need to rest and get better. Then everything will come back in the right order. You comfy?"

"I'm fine," answered Rose with a watery smile. Jackie nodded and smoothed the hair from Rose's face. Rose closed her eyes at her touch and within moments she was asleep.

"Well done, Jackie," said the Doctor, putting his arms around her as she had a little cry.

"Slowly, slowly, yeah, Doctor?" she sniffed. 

He nodded and Martha left the room, feeling the intense emotions getting to her. She met Donna in her coat in the corridor. "Going home?" asked Martha, sniffing and wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Yep... I work office hours. At least I'm supposed to. What's up?" Martha filled her in and Donna hugged her. "You mustn't get sucked in... how is it going with Tom?"

"We haven't met up yet... bloody Doctors!"

"You should make the effort, Martha, you looked like you two could be special."

"We have talked on the phone... he's..." Martha stopped and looked at Donna shyly.

"Wha'?" asked Donna with a teasing smile.

"Guess I'm just a sucker for a tall dark and handsome doctor?"

"Yeah... but, Martha, this one feels the same... take it by the horns and ride it!"

"Donna! That's shocking, that is!"

"Well, look at those two! He really loves her. Loves her so much you know that he'll never love anyone else... ever. I want a man to love me like that!"

"You'll find him one day," said Martha, squeezing her arm.

"Yeah, well, no harm in looking and practising along the way on my never ending quest... in fact, I have a date tonight!"

"Oh? Who's that with then?"

"Some geezer from the ball. Gave him my number... can't remember him at all though!"

"You will be careful, won't you, Donna?"

"Me? I can look after myself! He's the one who needs to worry!" she snorted and Martha laughed. "What time are you knocking off?" asked Donna.

"Think I'll leave now... feel drained!"

"Want a lift? We could stop for a drink en route?"

"Yeah, okay!"

***********

In Rose's room, Jackie sat by her daughter as the Doctor looked on.

"What next?" she asked without taking her eyes off Rose.

"We have to give her time... see what she remembers on her own. I will have to gain her trust, then, when she's ready; I will use my abilities to help her. Her mind is like a series of closed doors. She needs to open them up one at a time. I can show her how. Jackie, she will probably sleep for a long time now. Proper sleep. Which is good. Why don't you go home for tonight... see Pete and Tony? Come back in the morning. She's safe and mending." Jackie looked at him and sighed. Finally she nodded wearily, leaned down to Rose and kissed her gently on the cheek.

When Jackie had left the Doctor moved over to Rose's side and looked down at her fondly. His face softened as he bent down and whispered something into her ear. This made the corners of her mouth curl up ever so slightly. He sat down beside her, took her hand and began to quote age-old poetry from a long gone planet.


	10. Chapter 10

When Rose woke the next morning all the frightening equipment that had been in her room had gone. It seemed a much more pleasant place now. The bed had the addition of a quilt upon it. It was embroidered with tiny pink rose buds all over. The woman who had said she was her mother was sitting in a chair beside her.

"Morning," she said fondly, her eyes brimming with emotion.

"Hello," said Rose shyly, trying to sit up.

"Hang on... don't! Wait for the Doctor... I'm not sure if you should!"

"What? Sit up? I think I'd know if I couldn't!"

"Rose! Don't take that tone with me! They've all been working their socks off to get you well... I don't know if the Doctor wants you in an upright position... wait for him! Please, do as you're told!"

"Blimey! You sound like a mother!" said Rose conceding. She relaxed back down and Jackie's face did the same. Rose looked about her.

"Pretty flowers," she commented on the yellow roses sitting on the window ledge.

"I thought so too... I got them from the little shop."

"Oh, I thought they might be from the handsome Doctor. Where is he?"

"He's been up all night... gone for a rest." Jackie was amused at the disappointment etched on her daughter's face.

"He can't keep away for too long," said Jackie reassuringly.

"Oh, why is that then?"

"You're a special patient."

"Why? What makes me different from the rest?"

"Doesn't matter. Don't worry, he's very professional. A natural carer." It was at this point that the object of their conversation decided to make an entrance.

"Mrs Tyler, Miss Tyler," he said nodding towards them.

"Is that who I am? Rose Tyler... sounds strange... different... not at all familiar!"

"How are you feeling?" he asked, picking up her notes and pretending to flick through them, even though he had written them not half an hour previously.

"Just had a set to with my mum... isn't sure what position you want me in!" said Rose with a cheeky grin, her tongue escaping her mouth and touching the corner of her lips in an all too familiar pose.

"Rose wanted to sit up... I said to wait!" intercepted Jackie shaking her head.

"Well... if you feel up to it, then do. Only for short amounts of time at first. Brain's a delicate thing, you need to give it time."

"Yes Doctor," said Rose struggling to upright herself. He moved forward and helped her as Jackie moved some pillows in position behind her.

She inhaled the scent of him deeply as he helped her. Strange, how drawn she was to him. Textbook stuff, she thought as she smiled shyly at him.

"Will I do?" she asked.

"You look fine," he smiled going back to the safety of her charts.

"So, what happens now?"

"You need to get strong. For now your memories can wait. You need to be physically fit in order for us to start work on restoring them."

"They won't just come back?"

"I hope that some will... but I am not that confident... you went through more trauma than any human brain has ever survived, Rose. Your brain shut down to protect you. I have new treatments that can help you and am fairly certain that, in time, you will make a complete recovery."

"Time seems to be a real issue with you, doesn't it?"

"It's really ground breaking stuff, Rose! He's a genius... been nominated for... what was it?"

"It doesn't matter, Jackie. I can help Rose, that's all that matters!"

"So, are there any photos? You know, me as a baby, my family... that sort of thing?" There was an awkward pause.

"That isn't how I work, Rose. Your life is rather complex... I need to put your memories in the right order. Stuff like that might confuse you."

"What's the matter with me?"

"Nothing... just that I can't introduce your memories back to you any old way... it would be very confusing! Can you excuse us for a moment?"

"You're going to discuss me in secret?"

"No, it is just that your brother is feeling unwell and he wants his mum."

"I have a brother?"

"Yes... Tony, he's only four."

"Sorry."

"That's okay, we'll sort you out some breakfast."

"Is Tony really ill?" asked Jackie as soon as they were out of earshot.

"No, Jackie, I'm sorry, I lied. I needed to talk to you. You can't bring Pete here... no Jackie... we have to restore her memories in the right order. She has no recollection of him until she's nineteen years old... we have to restore her childhood first and everything up until the moment he became her father!"

"You're the doctor, Doctor!" sighed Jackie.

"And a bloody good one too! What are you two doing loitering about in the corridors like naughty kids? What's wrong with your office?" said Donna from behind them, making them jump.

"Where have you sprung from?" asked the Doctor.

"Just got in... went out last night... figured I had put enough hours in of late to merit a lie-in?"

"Course!" answered the Doctor. She nodded, eyeing him suspiciously.

"You seen Martha?"

"Canteen, I'm headed that way myself!" said Jackie.

"I'll walk with you..." The Doctor watched the two formidable women walking down the corridor together then turned and made his way back to Rose's room.

***********

"Did you go out on a date, then?" asked Jackie companionably.

"Yeah... bit of a blind one... I was blind drunk when I met him!"

"Oh dear! These things never work!"

"Tell me about it! Oh my God! He wouldn't shut up! Yap! Yap! Yap! See, I'm a talker in case you hadn't noticed... I like to talk and so did he! I don't need that! What I need is a listener, a thinker... someone who has very little to say! Don't think I'll ever find that!"

"My Pete is the strong silent type... never used to be... not when we first... sort of hard to find, yeah?"

"Keep looking... that's my motto!"

"Absolutely!"

"Rose and him... how did they meet?"

"It's a long and twisty story, Donna. Not mine to tell. Most of it you wouldn't believe."

"Yeah... thought you'd say as much. I was being nosey. He's my friend, that's all. Don't want to see him hurt again."

"Hopefully that won't happen... if it does... well it's up to him. Sorry."

"Yeah... he's a big boy."

"She loves him... truly. Just it's complicated. I hope it works out this time..."


	11. Chapter 11

“So, we’re ready to begin?” Rose was sitting in the Doctor’s office. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a vest-top. Her feet were bare and her hair was loose. She looked very much as she did the day they first met.

“Rose, we have to take this slowly. Let your head get used to each memory. Let yourself adjust. We can't hurry it.”

“Four weeks and I have nothing, little flashes that make no sense whatsoever! In fact, they seem more like they've come from a film! You know more about me than I do… please… let’s make a start. Help me, Doctor?”

“We’ll start with something simple. Child hood memories, okay? I’ll need to get into your head and have a look around. Trust me?”

“So long as you don’t peek at anything you shouldn't,” she grinned cheekily, that tongue escaping her mouth.

“I’m a professional, Rose!”

“I know,” she sighed, almost as if she were disappointed.

“I would never cross any boundaries!”

“Yes, Doctor, I know! Please… I am ready, really!”

“Sit up straight and close your eyes.” She stared at him for a moment and then did as he told her. He moved his chair in close to her and rested his legs either side of hers. Gently, he placed his forefingers on her temporal lobes. She pulled in a sudden gasp of air as she felt him slip inside her head.

“It’s cold!” she whispered.

“Rose, just let me wander around in here for a while, okay. I promise I won’t look at anything very private. I just want to find the right order.”

“Yes, it’s fine, sort of feel nice,” she breathed quietly. He picked his way through her mind, carefully peering through each door and mentally marking each one, trying to place them in some kind of order.

“Rose, can you hear me?” he asked after some time, but the words weren't spoken.

“Yes Doctor,” she said softly and the words seemed so loud coming from her mouth.

“I want you to picture yourself in here with me… take my hand and walk along this corridor.” There was a long moment as he watched the concentration etched on her face and then she was standing shyly beside him. He took her hand and nodded.

“Okay?” She also nodded and stood close to him a little apprehensively. They walked towards an open doorway and stepped inside. They were in a tiny little flat. It all seemed vaguely familiar. It was small and cosy without much thought to décor, but she liked the feel of it. He led her to a little bedroom just off the hallway. Sitting on the bed was a woman and a little girl. The woman she recognised as a younger version of the woman who said she was her mother. She looked sad as she showed the little girl the photo album on her lap. She was telling her all about her dad, what a wonderful person he was and how grateful she was to the person who sat with him during his last breaths.

“Is that me?” asked Rose quietly, turning to the Doctor.

“Yes.”

“My dad… he’s dead?”

“Yes, when you were a baby… you never really knew him.”

“But… I thought… I was sure...” she said and then stopped, shaking her head. He didn't answer, he didn't want to place a lie on top of another.

During the next hour he took her through a succession of doors. He had spent enough time to sort out key memories within her head. This would make it easier for it all to slip into place. By the time they reached her twelfth Christmas they were exhausted and he pulled them out of her head leaving the doors they had opened wide. She blinked at him, surprised.

“Okay?” he asked softly not moving away from her.

“Knackered, but yeah. Poor Mum. It must have been a struggle. Not such a bad childhood, though. Poor and loved, better than rich and unloved!” He grinned at her. This was a comment that was so typically Rose.

“Bedtime for you, I think,” he said in such soft undertones that it made her pulse quicken.

“Can I see Mum first?” she asked quietly, a note of desperation creeping in and moisture coating her eyes.

“I’ll get Donna to find her,” he said pushing his chair back and moving to the door. Donna was sat at her desk with her back to him. She was singing along to the music blaring in her ears and typing at an incredible pace.

“Donna?” She didn't hear him, so he walked around her desk and put himself right in front of her, making her jump.

“What?” she said loudly and abrasively.

“Sorry to interrupt, but do you know where Jackie Tyler is?” he asked a little sarcastically and Donna pulled the headphones from her ears.

“Sorry, was engrossed. Yes, she volunteered to take the tea trolley round, do you want me to go and get her?”

“She would do something like that… yes, could you? Tell her, her daughter needs her please.”

“Of course, Doctor.” Donna got up and left quickly whilst the Doctor escorted Rose back to her room.

“More tomorrow, yeah?” she asked, her eyes impatient.

“Let’s see how you are in the morning. This might have taken a lot out of you. We covered an awful lot of ground.”

“I feel like I've run into a brick wall!” she sighed and sort of stumbled against him so that he had to take her arm to steady her. He let her lean on him as they got to her room. A wall. Yes.

She slumped on to the bed with a sigh.

“It feels so weird, things keep coming back to me now… about my childhood! I was convinced I had a dad, though!” The Doctor said nothing and was saved by the arrival of Jackie, who barged in looking worried.

“Mum!” Rose said with a sob and she held her arms out to Jackie who swept into them with a strangled sigh.

The Doctor stepped back as he looked on at mother and daughter reunited. A lump rose in his throat and he left the room quietly. 

***********

“So, that session was half her life?” asked Jackie, sitting by Pete in the Doctor’s office. Rose was fast asleep, the mental strain exhausting her fully.

“Yes, to the age of twelve.”

“And she remembers it all?”

“Well, it’s all open. She will gradually remember more things. The human memory is very selective prior to certain ages. In infancy, you remember very little and then it picks up, another milestone is eight and then again at twelve. After that you pretty much remember most things. Where you were, who you are. It was a good cut off. There is so much to open now. It gets more complicated, so I will slow down. Give her her life back gradually. She’s bright and if I went at that speed right through she wouldn't be able to cope. But she might try and access too much at once by herself.”

“I can understand that. How long do you reckon this will take? Jackie says she’s getting cabin fever now!”

“She can’t go home yet. It’s natural for her to want to be with her mum, but you don’t actually make an appearance in her life until she’s twenty.”

“Twenty-one!” corrected Jackie with a wry grin and the Doctor instinctively put his hand to his cheek.

“She was there when her real dad died. I took her there!”

“Why would you do a thing like that?” Pete looked shocked.

“Because she asked. I was a different person back then… Rose was… well she pulled me out of a deep, dark pit, one I never thought I’d ever want to be pulled out of. I would have done anything for her. I still would.”

“So, basically, you've got to introduce her to a man who is you but doesn't look like you. Then she will witness her father’s death, a man who is identical to me. Then she has to watch you change, meet me and lose you. After a few years of living here, she then finds you again and you become two men! How on Earth will she ever cope with it?”

“Slowly... I hope she will, I really do. There’s so much more in between.”

“Fine… like you said, a complicated life.” Pete nodded and Jackie leaned over and squeezed his hand.

“It was her choice, Pete. If she had never met him I would never have met you.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I just want my family back together. And, I suppose, that’s another thing I have to thank you for?” Pete nodded and smiled slightly at the Doctor.

“Pete, a few months from now and Rose will be back to her normal self.”

“Whatever that is,” muttered Pete.

“Whatever that is… she was possessed, you know that?”

“What about you?” asked Jackie.

“That’s down to Rose. You know my feelings.”

“It’s quite scary, really!”

“We must do what’s right however much trepidation we may have.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Well I’m going to go home with my husband and see my little boy. She won’t wake now, will she?”

“Very unlikely… I’ll keep on eye on her.”

After they had left he remained sitting at his desk, his face in his hands; pondering all possibilities. It was Donna who interrupted him.

“I’m off… it’s late. You coming?” She didn't know why she asked anymore, he hadn't left the hospital in over five weeks.

“No, I've a few things to write up. I’ll order something in and crash here… thanks, Donna.”

“Doctor, you need a life too!”

“She is my life...”


	12. Chapter 12

Three o’clock in the morning came and the Doctor was unable to sleep. He paced the wards up and down. Rambling along the corridors and looking in on patients. One patient in particular. 

His head was filled with worry. It was a dangerous life, he had introduced her to. Most humans wouldn't be able to tolerate the things she had witnessed, but she had lived them and accepted and wanted them. He could only assume that she would accept them again.

It was breaking dawn when he heard her call out. He hurried to her room to find her in the midst of a night terror. He sat down on the bed beside her and gently took her shoulders trying not to waken her too suddenly.

She screamed out his name and her eyes flew open. Panting, she sat up into his arms and buried her head into his chest.

“Okay?” he asked her softly.

“There was a wolf,” she muttered.

“Oh?” he answered. She pulled back with a wry grin.

“God… I feel embarrassed! How text book is that? I suppose in my head I’m still twelve or something!”

“Lots of people are scared of wolves.”

“You were there...”

“Oh?” He kept his tone gentle as if he were humouring her.

“Stop it! You were… and Queen Victoria, we were running around an old house!” She creased her eyebrows together as if trying to remember.

“Do you want a glass of water?” he asked as a distraction. She nodded blushing.

“I’m so predictable, aren't I? I have a nightmare and it’s about the big bad wolf!”

“You’re fine, Rose. It’s probably an amalgamation of true memories.”

“What, like a film or something?”

“Maybe.” She cocked her head thoughtfully as she took the glass from him.

“Where’s my mum?”

“She went home… you were out for the count. She’ll be in soon, it’s nearly morning.” Rose looked at him shyly. 

“Tell me about you. Do I know you outside of this hospital?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“I can’t tell you… it would interfere with your treatment.”

“Oh, but can you tell me… are we close?”

“No...”

“Oh. “ She looked crestfallen.

“I mean, I can’t tell you that either, Rose.”

“Like spoilers for a book or a film?” He nearly laughed out loud at the irony of her statement.

“Yeah, sort of. All in good time. Let’s just take it step by step.”

“I can’t wait, but I will.” He blushed this time as Rose focused her amber headlights on him intensely. He busied himself with checking her pulse and temperature.

“So, are we going to cover more ground today?”

“We’ll see. I want Martha to do some basic checks. Make sure you’re functioning fine.”

“I _am_ functioning fine! You can’t hold a silly nightmare against me!”

“Rose, we have to monitor you properly on a day to day basis.”

“But why does Martha have to do it?”

“You don’t like Martha?”

“It’s not that… more I’m not sure if she likes me that much.”

“Martha? She’s not like that!”

“No? I heard her talking to that secretary of yours in the corridor, “she had to be blonde, didn't she?” she said!”

“Really? What was Donna’s reaction?”

“Told her to shut up and stop being so sour!”

“Well, Martha’s a little protective maybe.”

“Blondes a big threat here, are they? Jealous, that’s what she is! And I don’t know why! She certainly thinks you’re the bee’s knees, she hangs on your every word!”

“She has good taste.”

“So, you _are_ an item then?”

“No, never have been. No.”

“I don’t get it.”

“It’s complicated, but Martha is seeing someone and I’m not, nor ever have been, romantically attracted to her.” Rose nodded, a sense of relief filling her.

“Not that it’s any of my business,” she muttered. He didn't reply. They stared at each other for a while, not really sure of what to say. It was Jackie bustling in that interrupted them and Rose turned her attention to her with a sigh.

***********************

“Doctor, she’s fine. Her brain and body are in tip-top condition! I really don’t see why you’re being so reluctant!”

“It’s...” he stopped and looked at the three women standing in front of his desk.

“Complicated! I know, you keep saying! She wants you to… you really should. There’s no reason why you shouldn't.”

“I don’t want to exhaust her!”

“So, pull out if you feel her tire!”

“If it wasn't so serious, Martha, that would sound very rude!” he retorted and for the first time Donna contributed with a snort. They both looked at her with raised eyebrows.

“She has a point, Doctor, surely it’s Rose’s right?”

“Why do I feel so ganged up on?”

“You choose to work mainly with women, now suffer the consequences!” sniffed Donna.

“Alright… just a short session this afternoon and see how we get on. I'm worried about her nightmare.” Martha turned and grinned at Jackie who skittered around the desk and gave him a hug. Then she left to tell Rose.

“She’ll be fine!” said Martha giving him the smile that lit up her whole face.

“Yeah… I hope so.”

**********************

“So, the onset of your adolescence… a confusing time!” Rose smiled confidently.

“Let’s hope I wasn't too awful!”

“I’ll miss out anything too risky!” he teased.

“Oi! What are you implying?” she said shoving him playfully. He smiled happily at her and she gazed up at him like an adoring puppy.

“Sit down then,” he said unable to wrench his eyes from her gaze.

“Your wish is my command!” she replied and stopped, looking a little puzzled.

“Right then, we continue from September 1999. You were just about to start at the local comprehensive.”

“Yeah, I was surprised that you didn't bring in Shareen and Trish. Aren't they my friends any more? And whatever happened to Mickey Smith?”

“All in good time.”

“How did I know you were gonna say that? You really are a little obsessed!”

“Obsessed?”

“Yeah, with time. All in good time, step by step, each day as it comes and everything has to fit in in exactly the right order. What would be so bad if they were a bit jumbled? Aren't I bright enough to right them? There’s something that you’re all keeping from me! I’m not some kind of genocidal maniac, am I?” The Doctor looked stricken.

“Oh my God! I’m not, am I?”

“No, no, let’s just do this my way and then you’ll gradually understand.”

“You’re in charge, mustn't upset the designated driver!” The bewildered look crossed her face again.

“Thank you, now close your eyes and concentrate.” Rose did as she was told and together they slipped into the corridors of her memories. She grinned at him cheekily.

“Lead the way through me head, then!” she said taking his hand. They spent a grueling forty five minutes reliving her teen years. The tears, the tantrums, the crushes and the enormous rows with her mother until the Doctor was worn out and frazzled.

It was when they started to enter a memory of a night out with college mates that Rose drew back, scared.

“What’s the matter?” he asked in surprise.

“Nothing, don’t want to...” she replied in a small voice. He sighed and pulled them both back into his office.

“Alright?” he asked, his eyebrows knitting together.

“Yeah, some memories stink! I don’t need to watch those ones, they’re as clear as glass!” Rose looked exhausted, so he took her back to her room where Jackie was waiting. She took one look at her daughters stricken face and wrapped her arms about her.

“What is it, love?” she asked.

“Don’t wanna talk about it.”

***********************

Later, Jackie asked the Doctor what he had witnessed.

“Honestly, Jackie, even if I knew I wouldn't be able to say. What I can tell you is that she was happy. Seventeen and in college. She was going to meet some friends for a night out. She didn't let me see.”

“Ah!” said Jackie in understanding.

“Ah?”

“Jimmy Stone, awful boy. Ruined her life. Completely took over. Blinded her with rough good looks and promises of an exciting time on the back of his motorbike. Brainwashed her.”

“That doesn't sound like Rose at all!”

“No? Sure about that? It was a horrible year. She virtually moved in with him. Dropped out of college and got a job at his say so. It was the black eyes that did it for me!”

“Black eyes?”

“Yep… he beat her. Accused her of seeing Mickey behind his back. I sought him out though, and sorted him out! He didn't bother her again and it was Mickey who picked up the pieces, ironically!”


	13. Chapter 13

“Alright?”

“Yep!”

“I have to admit, I’m a tad concerned about your reaction to the memories we uncovered yesterday.”

“I’m fine! It was personal… you know?”

“Rose, we’re entering your adult life. Lord knows what we might uncover!”

“Thanks!”

“Seriously… I know an awful lot about you. You need to be very prepared… it’s going to be full of shocks...” She stared at him, her mouth dropping open slightly.

“How?”

“All in good time... I need to know if you can handle it?”

“I can if you’re there.”

“I’ll hold your hand all the way.”

“It was just a first serious boyfriend. Not good. He was a nasty little coward… a bastard! I really don’t want to rummage through the night I lost my… well, you know! Nothing to do with him, actually.” She flushed and he clasped her hands as he sat in front of her.

“Rose, it’s okay. The reality is that I know you can take your memories because you've lived through them before and come out fighting!”

“You intrigue me and scare me at the same time! There's going to be worse? You're either just too good at your job or really do know me very well!”

“You'll know soon enough.”

“Okay... I’m ready… show me Doctor!”

“Shut your eyes and relax.” He touched her temples lightly and slipped into her head with ease.

They walked hand in hand past the door of yesterday and into one that led them straight into Henricks. It was closing time.

“Oh yes… the shop!” she whispered as they made their way through the building following her memory self.

They stood and watched her as the dummies came to life. Rose glanced at the Doctor in disbelief.

“Rag week?” she offered and he shook his head. Her memory self was backing against a door which suddenly opened. A black leather arm shot through it, grabbed her hand and shouted.

“Run!” The Doctor pulled at her to follow but she held back. He turned to her expectantly.

“Doctor?”

“We should go!” he said tugging at her again.

“I remember!”

“That’s enough!” he shouted and tried to pull out but she was too fast for him and yanked herself free, running through her memories.

He followed her inside the TARDIS where her memory self stood before his past regeneration.

“You’re alien?” she asked.

“Yes… that alright?” replied the memory Doctor.

“Rose?” he said trying to grab her hand, but again she pulled herself free. They were standing in a cellar surrounded by living corpses. The memories of them trapped behind bars.

“I’m so glad I met you!”

“Me too!” She continued her advance on these memories, staying just out of his reach.

They were running down a concrete corridor alongside her memory self. Ahead of them ran a young man with dark hair. The door ahead was shutting. They watched as the young man slid underneath and the door closed sealing Rose in. She turned and faced the Dalek that was approaching her.

He took this opportunity and managed to pull her back into his office. Her eyes snapped open and she glared at him angrily.

“Where is he?” she yelled and stood up too fast. He stood with her as she folded into his arms.

He carried her back to her room where Jackie was waiting.

“What happened?” she asked in shock as he lowered her onto the bed.

“She did what Rose always does… she wandered off!” 

“She always used to read the last page of a book before she read it to see if she liked the ending!” sighed Jackie helping him to tuck her in.

“She met me… the first me.”

“Was she okay?”

“Angry, demanded to know where he is… we shall see.” Rose was tossing about in bed and muttering, so the Doctor reluctantly and gently injected her with a sedative. She became still quickly.

“We’ll just have to see how she feels about it all when she wakes.”

“How long?”

“She’s out for the count now… go home Jackie… this is going to get tough. She’s going to ask so many questions. If she needs you before morning I’ll let you know.

*******************

At around three in the morning Rose woke up. The room was dark and empty. The Doctor had been called to an emergency and left her in confidence, thinking that the dose he had given her would suffice.

She sat up and looked around. She pieced everything that she had witnessed inside her memories. Was she mad? It wasn't enough… it didn't make sense. Where was that wonderful man? She needed to know. Why wasn't he here helping her?

She closed her eyes tightly and tried to imagine slipping inside her head. She tried so hard it made her head ache. Then finally she relaxed and placed her fingers to her temples and imagined the corridors of her mind.

She fell into them easily this time and soon found the door where she had left herself with that weird robot.

“What use are emotions if you can’t save the woman you love?” it said in a strange strained mechanical voice.

She carried on as the memories unfolded, witnessing her marvellous, dangerous life. She saw things that she would never have believed in. Places, planets, the past, the future and aliens, lots of aliens.

And all the time this marvellous man was with her. She could feel the feelings that she had hidden from him…badly.

And then they left Cardiff and the whole nightmare unfolded before her weeping eyes as she witnessed what happened on the games station. She saw herself as a hot glowing being destroying and resurrecting. She saw her Doctor take the vortex from her with one sweet kiss and she saw him dieing before her. She saw him burst into light and watched in horror as his face changed. To a face she recognised.

 

This was how he found her when he returned to her an hour after he had left her. She was sobbing uncontrollably, her eyes still tightly shut. Gently, he placed his fingers to her temples and pulled her back into his arms. She wept for a long time as he comforted her.

“You’re him?” she asked finally.

“Sort of… it’s complicated… you haven’t… there’s more.” She pulled back and looked at him thoughtfully, then very slowly, she placed two hands upon his chest feeling for the double heart beats. Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. He took hold of both her hands and shook his head gently.

“That’s enough for now Rose, too much, in fact. Promise me you won’t go on your own again? Promise?”

“Okay… I promise… I don’t think I want to. I don’t understand.”

“Let it go for now… you need to rest.” He stood up, but she grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

 

“Don’t leave me, okay? I need you!” He sat back down and she nestled into him. He put his arms around her and stroked her hair until her breathing slowed. They remained like this until morning and the wards began to wake.


	14. Chapter 14

In the morning he took Jackie to one side and voiced some worries.

“I want to take her out of the hospital. I will take full leave and take care of her. She can’t wander off alone again!”

“Well… can she come home?”

“No, not yet… I thought that maybe, my flat? She’s my friend, Jackie… I have a big apartment, it’s private and Martha and Donna will be there a lot and you, of course!”

“I really don’t know how appropriate this is Doctor!”

“I can assure you it’s nothing like that! It will be able to treat her in a safe environment!” After a lot of discussion, Jackie agreed to put it to Rose. Rose was both excited and confused by this turn of events.

“I really don’t understand, why can’t I go home?”

“There are still over four years of your life missing Rose. An awful lot happens during this time.”

“What, more than...” She trailed off and stared at him.

“Yes… it gets even more complicated.” Rose bit her lip and then grinned.

“So, I get to go to the Doctor’s house? Oh! It’s not?”

“No, Rose… it isn't!”

“No, I knew that. Why did I know that?”

“Things will sort of slot into place without you realising. You’ll take your memories for granted eventually.”

“Really? I don’t think I ever could!” He smiled and excused himself to organise his leave and let Rose prepare to leave the hospital. As he stood in the corridor he over heard Rose comment to Jackie.

“I was a bloody bitch to Mickey! No wonder he hasn't visited me!” He sighed heavily and nodded to himself. He knew only too well what it was like to be on the receiving end of Rose Tyler’s rejection.

**********

Later that day he opened the door to his flat wide and let her enter first, then he slowly followed.

“Nice… big!” she said looking around with wide eyes.

“Yeah, I like big, open spaces.”

“Mmm… that figures!” She grinned at him and flopped down onto the off-yellow suede sofa.

“I’'ve only got the one bedroom in use… the other is my office. I’ll sleep on the sofa… you can take my room.” He sat down on the other end of the sofa and rested his feet on the coffee table, stretching out his long legs in front of him. Rose watched his Converses for a while and then took in a deep breath.

“So, what’s the plan?”

“I want to go slow. Let’s get you settled in and take it moment by moment. I thought we could order in a take away tonight.”

“Or I could… cook?” He looked at her incredulously, then snorted.

“You! Cook? Oh Rose… that is priceless! You… cook!”

“I can… I’m sure I can! Yes… definitely! I took lessons for some charity event my Mum roped me into when I first got trapped here! Some celebrity chef… oh!” She clapped her hand over her mouth and stared at him wide-eyed.

“You remembered?”

“I remembered… all on my own!”

“See, it'll all come back!” he said with a tinge of sadness lacing the words. She stared at him thoughtfully.

“Look, Doctor, why don’t you just tell me? I mean, you look so worried. I can take words, surely? I can’t bear to see you hurting… you look like you're in pain… like you’re broken.”

“Rose, I want to tell you, really… but, there's part of me that doesn't, though…”

“The part that is in love with me?”

“Sorry?”

“It’s quite obvious… there's something between us.” He didn't answer, just closed his eyes and rested his head back against the sofa. 

“Explain regeneration to me,” she asked softly.

“A Time Lord can change every single cell in his body to escape death.”

“And that’s it?”

“Pretty much, yes.”

“And are you?”

“Am I what?” He opened his eyes and turned his head towards her.

“Are you a Time Lord?”

“Part Time Lord, part human.”

“So something happened when you saved my life?”

“No… no something happened much later on!”

“Something that I couldn't accept?”

“You’re very perceptive, Ms Tyler!”

“In your words?” He stared into her eyes for a long while and then he finally spoke softly.

“When I changed into this face, you accepted me pretty much as soon as I opened my gob!”

“Loyal, then?”

“Ah, well, so much happened that day… you were so relieved that it was me! It seemed like the regeneration was tailored for you. I mean, there had been something deep and intense between us before, but when I became this face it was like sparks!”

“So, you and me?”

“No… lots of flirting and chaste cuddles. It was very obvious where we were headed and then… then I lost you.”

“You, you… lost me?”

“Yes, you got trapped in a parallel world. You mentioned it just now? I couldn't get you back and I couldn't get to you. But you were with your mum and Mickey and you were safe.”

“How long was I trapped?”

“Three years in your world.”

“Three years! What happened?”

“You found your way back.”

“Very resourceful of me, when you couldn't! I want to see!”

“I think that’s enough for now, Rose!”

“Come on… I'm ready. If you hold back now, it’s for your own selfish reasons!” She grabbed his fingers and pushed them to her temples. He paused for a moment gazing at her face. Her eyes were shut.

“What I show you now belongs to both of us… remember that, won’t you?” She nodded and he closed his eyes and concentrated. He slipped easily into the familiar corridor and grabbed her hand. She grasped his tightly and moved along with him.

Sycorax first. She actually laughed at herself giving that ridiculous speech to the leader. She gasped at the fire that was quite obvious between the two of them from the moment he walked out of those doors in Howard’s dressing gown. She smiled sweetly at the way he sat with them for Christmas dinner.

They moved on to New Earth. She blushed as she saw the very hidden memory of Cassandra kissing him in her body.

The werewolf came next and she moved closer to him, holding his hand even more firmly.

“Still owe me that tenner, do ya?” she whispered as they moved away from the memory.

Confusion tipped her brow as she saw the whole Krillitane episode pan out, complete with Sarah-Jane and K-9. He looked shifty and embarrassed as she observed his encounter with Reinette.

When they reached the parallel world and her long dead father and alternative mother came onto the screen, she began to get a head ache. He was in her head, so he felt it too. Then they were sitting side by side on the sofa again.

“I want to go on!” she pouted.

“No, Rose… if we do too much at once you could burn out and then we would be back to square one!”

“I just need to get back to where we are now!”

“You don’t know the half of it. I can see you are attracted to me, Rose… but I’m not him… not now anyway.” She took his hand and shook her head.

“But you are the one who’s here… helping me. Didn't that mean anything to me?”

“I… I hoped it would… but, I don’t know.” There was a long silence as they stared at each other almost hungrily. It was broken by a loud grumble from Rose’s stomach. They both burst into fits of laughter.

“I think I need to feed you? What do you fancy?” She gazed at him cheekily with a brazen message in her eyes. Then she stopped and thought.

“You know what I fancy?”

“What?”

“Chips… I fancy chips!”


	15. Chapter 15

Sleeping in his flat with Rose Tyler in his bed was very much harder than he had anticipated. Even though he had been sleeping in the hospital nearer to her in proximity, it was still very distracting. Especially with the undertones she was sending him.

She slept sweetly in his bed and he peeked in at her. Standing in the doorway, he was transported to another lifetime when he had stood in her doorway many a night and happily watched her sleep.

Was it wrong of him? He wasn't sure how she would feel about it if she knew.

She turned and murmured something in her sleep and he pulled back, afraid of being caught. That would be very unprofessional of him.

It was much later on as he was tossing and turning on the squashy sofa that he heard the dreams begin. He got up quietly and was at her side in a few swift strides.

She was moving about a bit and had kicked off the quilt, displaying a lot more skin than he could cope with. Her nearly naked bosom rose and fell in an almost pant and she was muttering under her breath. She licked her lips and the sheen of sweat building across her brow and shoulders clearly indicated that this was no nightmare. 

He dragged his protesting body away from her but stopped as he got back to the doorway when he heard her voice.

“Doctor...” she whispered huskily in her slumber and he felt himself whimper inside in response.

Back on the sofa he stared up at the ceiling for hours trying desperately not to think of the gorgeous blonde in his bed and he knew that he was very unlikely to get a wink of sleep that night.

It was bright daylight when he opened his eyes to see Rose padding about his open plan kitchen in an over-sized white t-shirt. Her bare legs were at his eye-level and he found his body reacting to the expanse of bare thigh that was on show.

He pulled himself up onto his elbow and yawned noisily to distract himself from his thoughts.

“Finally, you've decided to join the land of the living!” she said grinning madly as she turned an egg on the griddle.

“Yeah… sorry… what are you up to?”

“Breakfast! Let you sleep on, but I was getting really hungry… hope you don’t mind, but it is nearly midday!”

“What!”

“I know! The only time I've ever seen you sleep for so long was on Christmas day… when you changed? See, memories are flooding in now!” He smiled and sat up.

“Is that my t-shirt?”

“Yeah, don’t mind, do you? I only had a thin camisole on and I didn't want to get spat at!” He nodded as she bought a plate over to him and placed it on his lap. He stared down at it and then back up at her in bemusement.

“Where did you... I mean, I didn't have anything in?”

“Oh, I chatted up Max, the warden? He went out and picked up a few things for me… is that okay?” He said nothing, but stared back down at the delicious plate of food she had prepared. She got her own and came and sat on the sofa with him.

“Alright, you can cook!” he said after a few mouthfuls. She grinned and they continued to eat happily in silence for a while.

“What’s that?” he asked pointing to a black matter on her plate.

“Mushrooms!” she said laughing.

“Why didn't I get any?”

“You don’t like them, Doctor! You always said that they are a fungi and nobody should eat mould!”

“But they smell delicious!”

“Here, wanna try?” She picked up a mushroom on her fork and presented it to him. He smiled shyly and took the offering from her fork with his mouth. She watched his lips closing around her fork and her lips moved with his.

This sensual moment was spoilt very quickly by the Doctor’s expression as he recoiled from the texture and taste of the mushroom. He swallowed and grimaced, his tongue leaving his mouth in great swooping motions. 

Rose laughed out loud, a red spot forming on each cheek and a flush running up her neck. He grinned at her sheepishly.

“Yep! Still don’t like mushrooms!” he muttered joining in her laughter and taking a big swig of the tepid cup of tea that she had obviously left there a while before.

“I like this… doing domestic with you… here.” It was a nervous statement and she didn't quite look at him as she said it.

“Yeah… I like having you here.” He didn't meet her eyes and she found the courage to probe deeper.

“What did I do to you?”

“Sorry? You? No, Rose, it wasn't exactly like that… it was just what it was. I don’t blame you for feeling the way you did! I wasn't what you wanted!”

“I must have been out of my mind!”

“Sorry?”

“Not to want you.”

“When… when you understand it all, you’ll think differently.”

“Then for God’s sake show me!” Her tone was impatient and he knew that in reality he had lost control of the situation. Here he was, a man that had technically been created for her. Twice. Of course she was going to feel that.

“What, now?”

“Yes… it’s my right! I want to know what went so terribly wrong that we aren't together and you so… so damaged!”

“I’m fine!”

“Yeah, Doctor, heard that plenty of times! My memory's coming back, think it’s my right to have the rest, don’t you?” He stared at her sadly. The love of his life. He was going to lose her all over again and he wasn't sure if he could bear it.

“Okay… let’s continue. I was going to wait for Martha, but if you insist!”

“It’s none of her business! This _is_ personal, Doctor, and I want to know so that we can get on with us! Stop hiding from me!”

He turned to her and looked her straight in the eye. This time he didn't prepare her, he moved into her head almost aggressively and she gasped out in surprise.

“Calm down!” she whispered as they stood in the familiar corridor, now with more doors wide open than not. He turned and stared at her taking in every feature.

“Sorry, this is going to hurt!” he said so quietly and so seriously that Rose almost felt scared of him.

And so he took her through their last memories together as companions. She enjoyed it at first, seeing how close they had become after Mickey was gone. It was truly evident how they felt about each other and she was happy to see it. And then in Krop Torr there was mention of a Valiant Child and she knew that it meant her.

In disbelief, she watched her life splinter around her as he became more and more upset in and out of her memory.

As she watched herself breaking on the beach she turned to him and saw tears pouring down his face. She pulled him into her arms and held him tightly as they both wept. 

Sitting on that sofa in each others arms they weren't sure who initiated the kiss, but it certainly happened and it was hungry and passionate and it was him who broke free knowing that he had stepped over a line that he shouldn't.

They stared at each other, not sure of what to say. 

And then the doorbell rang.


	16. Chapter 16

“Oh. My. God!” The Doctor jumped up and made a grab at his trousers, flinging his leg into the wrong hole and hopping about. Rose started to giggle almost uncontrollably as the bell buzzed again.

“Calm down!” she laughed as she got up and walked to the intercom and pressed the button.

“Hello… Doctor Smith’s residence… the Doctor is incommunicado at the moment… may I take a message?” she said into the box on the wall, putting on a fake posh accent. The smirk was soon wiped off her face.

“Rose?”

“Mum!”

“Yes, of course, Mum! Who else would it be? Can I come up?”

“Umm… yeah! I’ll just… yeah.” She turned to the Doctor with wide eyes and pressed the door release. Everything suddenly moved into fast motion as they both got dressed, flung plates into sinks and discarded his bedding messily into the bedroom.

When Jackie rapped at the door they both jumped out of their skins. The Doctor opened the door, desperately trying to tame his unruly hair.

She marched in and took in the large space with a sniff and then honed in on her daughter.

“What the hell is goin’ on?” she demanded, glancing from one to another.

“Nothing!” they both replied in unison just a little too quickly and Rose not meeting her mother’s eyes.

“Hrmph!” The noise that came out of Jackie was one of the single most terrifying noises the Doctor had ever encountered and he shrank back towards the door as if ready to make a break for it. She fixed him with an accusatory glare.

“Mum, we've covered more ground today… I know about living here now… in the parallel world with you and Pete… that you had a baby with him!” She used the words as deflection from whatever Jackie was about to address. It worked momentarily. Jackie turned to her with a slight smile.

“Yeah…Tony. He’s your brother! Oh Rose, darling! You're doing so well… it’s all coming back so much faster then the Doctor said!”

“Where is he?” Rose asked with a slight tremor to her voice. Jackie glanced over to the Doctor as if she expected to find him gone.

“In the park with his dad.” Rose nodded and blinked. Then she walked over to the huge windows and craned her neck towards the park trying to catch a glimpse of the two other men in her life. The Doctor knew that Rose had meant Pete, but Jackie had assumed she meant Tony.

Jackie took the opportunity to take in the Doctor’s appearance, the rumpled clothes and the dishevelled hair.

“So, she can come home now then?” she asked softly, but Rose heard and swung back around into the room, her face a picture of bewilderment.

“Well, I suppose… if she wants too. However, there are still a couple... three... lost years. I would feel much happier if I were with her.”

“Oh, I’ll bet you would!”

“Mum!”

“Well… I have the feeling he’s taking advantage!”

“Jackie! You know me better than that, surely?”

“Oh don’t you Jackie me! You know how I feel about you! Nothing would make me happier. But it ain't right… not until she knows it all!”

“Quite right too!” He nodded emphatically, only half aware of Rose’s flinching from his words.

“I've just walked in on the pair of you in the middle of the day and it looks like you've both just jumped out of bed! How the hell do you expect me to react?”

“He slept on the sofa, Mum! In fact he hardly slept at all! When he finally did drop off he didn't stir until midday! We weren't… doing anything!”

“Hmmph! Well it don’t look good! Him being your Doctor an' all!"

“For goodness sake, Mum! Why are you here?”

“I came to visit my daughter, same as I do every day!”

“Fine, so visit me! What you got?” Jackie put down her bag and pulled out a pack of chocolate Hob Nobs. Rose grinned like a little girl. The Doctor spluttered into life and pulled himself up indignantly.

“That’s it? You barge in here and, and accuse me of… well, whatever it was; and produce a pack of biscuits and everything’s okay?” Jackie and Rose both turned to him.

“Doctor, you can’t possibly get high and mighty on her! Especially not when we were snogging each other’s faces off at the time she rang the doorbell! Besides, they’re really good biscuits!” Jackie moved a little towards him and he darted over to his open-plan kitchen.

“I’ll just pop the kettle on then, shall I?” His voice had gone up a couple of octaves as he ran to busy himself with the cold tap. Jackie turned to her daughter and lowered her voice.

“Don’t play games with him, will you?” she asked her daughter.

“What do you mean play games? We aren't twelve!”

“I know that! It’s just that he’s been hurt enough. He doesn't deserve to go through all that again. He’s done so well since you…” Her words were cut short as the Doctor intervened.

“Jackie! Rose will have no idea what you’re talking about!” His voice was loud over the kettle coming to the boil and made Jackie jump a little.

“Eavesdropping as well?”

“Well, it’s a bit difficult not to overhear with your gob!” he retorted, feeling the comfortable familiarity of their banter returning.

“Don’t think I'm too soft not to come over there and give you the slap you probably deserve, mate!”

“You’d have to catch me first!” He grinned despite himself, but Rose was still stuck over her mother’s interrupted statement.

“Mum!”

“Alright. I'm sorry. I won’t say any more about your past until he’s bought you completely up to date, so long as you two promise to keep your hands off each other until then, okay?”

“And I'm staying put.” Rose's voice was very quiet, but nonetheless; very determined.

“I just want my daughter home.”

“Well, I'm a grown up, Mum. I may decide to stay here forever.” Her eyes flicked over to his for the first time since her mother entered the flat. He could hear his one heart beating frantically in his chest. She smiled gently at him and he felt the last grips of any straws he had been clutching at disintegrate. He fell head over heels all over again. There was no going back. There never really had been. 

Rose must have seen something in his face because she quickly changed the subject and manoeuvred her mother into a long conversation about life as the Vitex wife.

After about an hour Jackie made her excuses and, with the promise of returning the next day; she left to find the rest of her family.

Rose closed the door and turned around slowly, leaning against it and staring at him expectantly.

“Now, Rose… listen. It was a mistake! I promised your mother and… and I happen to agree with her for once!” Rose, who had been slowly making her way towards him; stopped in her tracks.

“You’re still gonna hold back? Surely whatever was broken between us… I mean we have another chance… a second chance, to get it right?”

“You don’t understand.”

“So you keep saying. I understand how I feel. How I've always felt about you. I can see how you feel. Isn't that all that matters?”

“Maybe your mother’s right. Maybe you would be better off at home.”

“Home? I left home a long time ago! You just want to run away again! When things get a little complicated you… sometimes things need saying! Was I unfaithful?”

“No!”

“Were you?” He closed his eyes and slowly shook his head. “Did you beat me?”

“Don’t be ridiculous!”

“We are the same people that we always were! We went through all that together! If we had problems then we have to be able to overcome them… I couldn't bear to lose you again! Did you fall in love with someone else while I was stuck here?”

“No, Rose… there will never be anyone to replace you!”

“I feel the same! So let’s start again. From here.”

“No, you need to know everything.”

“Okay… we’ll do it your way. I want you to show me everything.”

“Rose, we can't continue today. Too much brain activity could give you overload and then we would be back to square one.

“Okay... Tomorrow, we continue tomorrow. What are we going to do today?”

“I hadn't thought, I'm not so sure… we could, I don’t know, rent a film, have that takeaway?”

“Can we go out? Have something to eat out? Maybe we could go to the cinema?”

“It might not be such a good… you're very famous now, Rose. If the paparazzi get wind…”

“I’ll wear a disguise… please… I haven’t been anywhere for months! I have raging cabin fever!” He said nothing for a while as he weighed up the odds.

“Okay, but we go somewhere quiet and if there is any sign of trouble...”

“I know, Doctor… run!”


	17. Chapter 17

The area where the Doctor now lived was a buzzing, thriving little community. There were many different restaurants, independent and old-fashioned shops, a tiny, but busy cinema and a large beautifully kept park where people were still able to wander around with their children and their dogs without coming across a tramp or an addict at every bench.

As they walked across the park side by side, he felt Rose’s hand creep into his own and he clutched hers firmly, feeling the warmth of it as she smiled sweetly from under the rim of the baseball cap she had borrowed from him

It was a warm evening and she was wearing another of his t-shirts. It was pale blue and had ‘trust me I'm a doctor’ printed across the front of it. He couldn't remember where he had picked it up from, probably a gift from Donna or Martha, but seeing her in it made him grin a little stupidly.

As they walked in time, they swung their arms between each other and occasionally bumped into one another.

“Eat first?” he asked as they stepped into a well lit street where the mingling aromas of foods from across the world attacked their noses and made their bellies rumble.

“Yeah, what shall we have?” She stopped and looked up at him expectantly.

“Pa… pa... pa… pizza?” he chirped wit a cheeky grin.

“Oh don’t! Mind you, Italian sounds good!”

“Yeah? Molto bene, Italian it is!” He moved them along the street towards a typical little Italian trattatoria complete with red chequered table clothes and empty Chianti bottles used as candlesticks, the red wax building on them giving them shapes that made fascinating sculptures.

They were shown to a private booth where they sat opposite each other. She glanced around the few people that sat around them.

“What do you reckon; can I take this off now?”

“Yeah, let’s just keep a low profile, okay? Don’t want lots of attention, do we?” She pulled the cap off her head and her blonde her cascaded down her shoulders. In the candlelight her face glowed and her eyes seemed to have lights dancing in them.

He smiled warmly and leaned towards her instinctively; she moved her hand towards his on the table and took a hold again.

“This place is lovely… not too fussy and it seems clean.” Her voice was soft and the words belied what he really wanted to say.

“Yes, it’s nice and quiet too,” he murmured back, unable to tear his eyes away from her.

“So, do you come here often?” she asked and suddenly the spell was broken as they both laughed at the ridiculous cliché.

“Actually no, I've never been here!” he said once he had got his breath back.

“But you live within a stone’s throw!”

“I know, sort of been working too hard. Never really felt the urge to explore.” His shoulders lifted in a slight shrug and he dipped his eyes low.

“Really? That doesn't sound like you?” she replied and his thoughts told him that it didn't sound like the _other_ him.

They were distracted by the waiter who came over and made a fuss of them, clearly impressed with the beautiful couple who seemed so in love. They both ordered linguini with a tomato sauce and tiger-prawns. They both decided against garlic bread, although neither admitted why. After the waiter had gone, Rose sat back in her seat and observed him. He was wearing a dark blue t-shirt that seemed to really set off both his freckled complexion and his chocolate brown eyes.

“I like the blue on you, always said that I preferred the brown pin stripes, but I was wrong. I think the blue suits you very well.” She stopped abruptly and stared in to a vacant space, her eyebrows knitting together.

“Rose?” He leaned in to her closely, desperately trying to get her attention. Her big eyes turned on him.

“I remember...”

“What? Tell me! What do you remember?” Her eyes flashed in the candlelight. There was a long pause, and then.

“I remember… everything.” Her eyes filled and he got up and moved around to her side of the table.

“Tell me...” he whispered, falling to his knees beside her and putting his arms around her.

“Lonely, heart-aching years without you. I was so desperate, so unhappy! Driven to finding a way… doing the impossible. My only reason to live was to get back to you. Finally, Mum couldn't bear it any longer and she begged Pete to help me. He instructed Torchwood to begin, an experiment, he said. Then, after eighteen months of trying and just as we were about to give up; the stars began to go out and cracks in the universe became evident. The cannon started to work. That wasn't the end of it. I went to so many places, so many times. My key could provide a reading to the TARDIS, but not when. I encountered so many of your faces, different versions of you… all jollying me away for fear of crashing timelines. Then I found you.” She stopped and looked at him again, drinking in the worried features of his beautiful face.

They remained like this for a long, long time, not knowing what to say, the truth now open and raw before them. They were only interrupted by the flash of a camera. He jumped up and swivelled around.

“Over here, Ms Tyler! Did you say yes?” There were three members of the press making their way towards them, unperturbed by the staff of the trattatoria trying to waylay them. More cars were pulling up outside.

“Oh bugger!” said the Doctor, turning back to Rose.

“What’s going on?”

“We've been spotted!” He grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet.

“Rose, did you say yes?” shouted a member of the paparazzi.

“Run!” said the Doctor and pulled her towards the kitchens.


	18. Chapter 18

They sped through the hot, steamy kitchens, out of the back door into an alleyway and continued at full pelt, moving away from that street as quickly as their legs would carry them. They kept on running until the Doctor was satisfied that they had left the press way behind them.

Leaning against a wall, panting and puffing for breath, they looked at each other and simultaneously burst into laughter.

“What… were… they… on about?” asked Rose between laughing breaths.

“I think… they might have jumped to conclusions. Saw me on my knees in front of you and thought I was… proposing!” Their laughter was renewed until Rose suddenly stopped and looked a little offended.

“Not so funny! Is it?” she retorted.

“I didn't mean… no, of course it isn't!” He smoothed back his hair and looked at her intently.

"So?” she said a little shyly.

“So… what now, Rose Tyler?” She paused and looked at him thoughtfully and confidently.

“Well… I think… I think we should go home and sort this out. Once and for all. But, we have to eat… my stomach is beginning to ache!”

“It’s a start...”

“Yeah, well, we got to begin somewhere, ain't we?” She resorted to the heavy London accent, she always did when she was a little embarrassed. 

They walked on in silence keeping to the shadows. A glimmer of hope had wrapped itself around his heart. She had called his flat home.

Finally, with a bag of fish and chips in their laps, they faced each other a little awkwardly on his off-yellow suede sofa. Rose looked at him sadly.

“On the beach. It hurt… I felt rejected... unwanted.”

“Understandable...” He blinked back the words that bubbled in his throat and continued to listen to her.

“I wanted to make you feel how I felt. I wanted to punish you for what he did. I sort of, pressed the self-destruct button.”

“You really remember everything?”

“Yes, the way I treated you… I was a cow.”

“I won’t argue with that, but I can understand why.”

“Those men… the look-alikes... I wanted to get a reaction out of you, well, at first anyway. You left, you walked out of my life!”

“I believed that you didn't want me. I tried, I really tried, just couldn't take any more. I thought you wanted him!”

“You are him!”

“I was him. Not any more. I'm my own person now and I like who I am.”

“Quite right too! Me too, you’re the one who stayed with me… here. The look-alikes… did they brainwash me in some way?”

“Yeah, something like that. It was a telepathic brainwash and they used some kind of drug that I'm not familiar with. They… they... threw…” he stopped, his voice breaking.

“Yeah, I know. Like the piece of rubbish they turned me into!”

“You remember that?”

“It’s very fuzzy, the void, but yeah. You came.”

“I had to try and save you.”

“Well, you did. He was there too. Just left me there. If you hadn't come I would have stayed there forever.”

“He new I’d come… he’d changed, did you see?”

“Don’t know… maybe. Something was protecting me… not him. Doesn't matter… I'm here now. Only place I want to be.” Her eyes filled with tears again.

“Rose?”

“I was so blinkered. I felt so let-down. All the time there you were, right in front of me. Right there, telling me how you felt, trying to do the one thing I always wanted and never expected. Committing!” She was beginning to really weep now and this was almost beyond him. All he could do was watch her crash as the realisation of all that had happened between them really hit home.

“Doctor?”

“Rose

“I'm so sorry.”

“Rose, you don’t have to be! It was a hard thing to take, hard for all of us, but especially hard for you!”

“No, I was petulant, spoilt! I should have known better. All you taught me and I was blind-sided!”

“No, you felt cheated. Felt that he made the choices. He fobbed you off!”

“No, that’s where you’re wrong! All along I knew that it was you! I was bitter, but I knew… I saw you as equal to him. My anger got in the way, I took the anger and frustration out on you because I saw you as him and I felt the same way about you!”

“Don’t beat yourself up, Rose, you had every right to react the way you did! I just didn't realise how you felt about me! Stupid, but let’s face it, I was him!”

Slowly and cautiously he pulled her into his arms and let her weep into the dark blue shirt that had been the trigger for all this. After some time, she calmed herself enough to stop sobbing , but she remained in his arms.

“So... what happens now?” she eventually asked his chest.

“What do you mean?” She pulled back just slightly and looked up into his face.

“Well, I guess I'm not your patient any more… where do we… go from here?”

“That’s your decision, Rose. I'm still the same man I was on that beach. Still feel the same. Still want the same things. I just can’t be sure if you can accept me for who I am.” She smiled at him through her mascara soaked cheeks.

“I think that I've made it completely clear what I want from the moment that I regained consciousness. Even when I didn't know who you were, what you were to me, there was so obviously something there, wasn't there?” She moved her mouth a little closer to his but he pulled back.

“I rather think that I am still your doctor. I have to discharge you. If your mum finds out that something has gone on between us before I have, she’ll create merry hell!”

“I wasn't asking to jump straight in to bed with you! A kiss would have done for starters!” She blushed crimson. The effect on him was instantaneous and he pushed her back a little.

“We've squashed our chips!” he said softly, trying to distract her as her eyes fixed on his mouth.

“Bugger the chips, Doctor… suddenly not so very hungry now, not for food anyway!” She pushed the paper off their laps and launched herself at him, pushing him back and latching her mouth onto his. It was a nanosecond before he joined in with as much desperation and enthusiasm. 

After a very lengthy and rather desperate embrace, he pushed her back and stood, noting the complete disappointment on her face. Then he bent down and picked her up, taking her by surprise. She wrapped herself around his waist.

He took off towards the bedroom without saying a word and she sighed happily as the door shut and he proved to her exactly what sort of man he was.


	19. Chapter 19

The room was in semi-darkness as they lay in each others arms in silence staring at the ceiling. They had finally consummated their feelings for one another and were basking in many more feelings of completion than of a sexual nature.

Finally, she turned to him with a shy smile. He moved onto his side so that they were facing each other and grinned back at her happily. Her face clouded slightly.

“What?” he asked her softly.

“There are some gaps… I can remember all, but I seem to have blocked out some.”

“Oh? Specifically?”

“When we activated the Dimension Canon, it was hard… I sort of remember finding other worlds, other parallels… but it’s blurry, like when you have had a really vivid dream, but you can’t quite piece it together when you wake.” The Doctor nodded his head wisely.

“It’s understandable, from what Pete told me you went through some rather gruelling stuff. The mind is amazing, you know? It is protecting you even now, when you are cured.”

“Completely?”

“I would say so… we can’t all remember every single detail of our lives, can we? We can gently and slowly work on it as we go along, but I'm not overly concerned about it. You've done remarkably well to get to this point so quickly.”

“You’re a remarkable Doctor.”

“I know… consider yourself very lucky!”

“I do, and I will for the rest of my life...”

“Rose?”

“This is it, isn't it? It isn't going to fizzle out as we drift apart while we get on with our respective lives?”

“I'm never ever letting you go again.”

“Told me once to never say never ever!”

“Things have changed, it’s a different ball game now. Level pegged, that’s what we are.”

“Will you stay at the hospital?”

“I love my work there, Rose… really, I do, but, the thought of you defending the Earth, chasing aliens… without me? Terrifies me… more than I've ever been scared before. And, that said… is an awful lot.”

“I don’t want to go and chase monsters without you anyway… it would feel all wrong… it always felt wrong. I want to go back to college, want to study… want to make the most of this beaten up brain of mine. We could… I don’t know... be on-call? I mean, you're always going to be called upon if it's necessary, aren't you?”

“You’d give it all up for me? Torchwood?” Rose sighed heavily.

“You don’t get it do you? Torchwood… that was only ever about you. All that Time and Space...” she waved her hand vaguely to the window, “it was only ever about you. I wanted to experience it with you… I travelled worlds to find you… took more risks than you could possibly approve of… all because of you. I love you… I've always loved you.” He reached up and took her face in his hands, studying it with tear glazed eyes.

“And I, Rose Tyler… I love you. I always have and I always will.” She smiled at him happily and he pulled her to him and kissed her softly.

**********

It was the next morning that Jackie let herself into his flat. She was armed with half a dozen newspapers tucked under her arm and a staunch expression on her face.

The flat was untidy and she noted the bags of half eaten fish and chips on the floor by the sofa with a disapproving sniff. Taking in the empty room she headed straight for the bedroom and opened the door. She stood and stared at the sleeping couple with her free hand on her hip.

They lay wrapped in each other, a sheet covering the more embarrassing parts just barely. She noted the clothes, messily strewn about the room as if they had been removed in a great hurry. Rose was lying across his bare chest, her brown back a stark contrast to his pale skin. Their legs were entwined with each other's.

She threw the newspapers onto the bed and cleared her throat loudly.

It was Rose who moved first, turning her blonde mass of hair towards the doorway.

“Mum? The Doctor’s eyes flew open and stared at Jackie.

“Well? What the bleedin’ hell do you fink you’re playin’ at?” She screeched. Rose pulled the sheet to her and sat up. The Doctor slowly joined her. Jackie flicked on the light and shoved a hand at the papers. They each picked up a tabloid and looked at their respective front pages. Their were photographs of him on his knees beside her, head-liners reading along the lines of: “Wedding bells for the brain surgeon and the heiress?” and: “Rose has the doctor on his knees!”

“They spotted us before we knew what was happening!” Rose spoke out first challenging her mum defiantly.

“You promised me… you said nice and slow! I knew this was a bad idea… you've always had designs on her… taking advantage of her!”

“Jackie I…”

“Said you had her best interest at heart… couldn't even do it properly… I could have you defrocked!”

“Struck off!”

“Whatever!”

“Mum... it wasn't him, it was me… I discharged myself… I remembered it all. We aren't doctor and patient any more!”

“No? What are you then?”

“We’re the Doctor and Rose, same as always!” Jackie sniffed and let her eyes wander over their sheet covered nakedness. Her eyebrow arched towards the Doctor.

“Well, not quite the same… we... er... well…” He was at a loss for words.

“Engaged...” said Rose quickly.

“What?” Both of them turned to her in surprise.

“He was proposing, they got that bit right!” Jackie burst into tears and left the room. Rose jumped up and pulled on his huge dressing gown while he slung on a pair of trousers. As they entered the living area, Jackie turned to them with renewed anger.

“Couldn't have let me have my bit, couldn't have let me announce it all proper, could you? I only have the one daughter. Now I can afford to do it right, you take it away from me?” Rose made a sound like a distressed baby elephant.

“It isn't always about you , Mum!”

“Selfish, you are… so unfair! I was so looking forward to arranging a party and then on to the wedding and…” It was the Doctor who interrupted Jackie this time.

“I think that’s enough! She’s right Jackie, this is none of your business. How Rose and I get engaged is entirely up to us! And I, for one, am not going to let one of your selfish tirades ruin that for her. I haven’t even asked her yet and there you've gone and backed her into a corner!” Jackie’s mouth opened and closed as he turned abruptly to Rose and with a deep breath sunk to one knee.

“Doctor you don’t have to…” Rose began, shaking her head and looking like a rabbit caught in headlights.

“No, I know and nor do you. Want. I want to marry you, Rose Tyler. Effective immediately. Want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?” Rose paused, drinking in the words and glanced at Jackie who was sobbing anew. This time with tears of pure joy.

“Wouldn't have it any other way,” she smiled and sunk to the floor to kiss her Doctor.

Fin...

_I wrote a prequel to this a while after finishing called 'Goblin Market'.. I will upload it here soon... thanks for reading..._


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